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| Why do Pakistani Movies suck so much? |
Here are some of the reasons:
1) an average paki movie is made with a total budget of around Rs. 90,000.
2) the heroes still havent discovered something called soap... or more importantly lifebuoy
3) the heroines still compete themselves in beauty and health with a cow.
4) Syed Noor directing Saima's latest flick
5) the censor board cutting out all the serious/boring/important-to-the-story dialogues from the movie.
Can anybody add more reasons to this list? 
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Arrrgh... it sure's gonna be mighty rough sailin' today ... mates! |
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| What will become of the Pakistan Cricket Team? |
| The way we are playing nowadays is totally pathetic.
Even India which never had the guts has found the courage to challenge us in a Cricket match. Any day now their government is going to remove the restrictions on their team to play against Pakistan.
We are at our lowest ebb. Things couldnt go any worse than this. The poor General is totally helpless against player power.
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| Why accountants R so boring & dry ........ |
| There is a general impression that accountants are very dry and boring in nature. They don't have any sence of humour and enjoyment ..........
Why it's like dis and how this wrong impression was developed. What I think it has nothing to do woth accounting profession infact it depands upon the nature of the person.
What u people think abt that ...................
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| Looking for a CFO (JOB Opportunity) |
| A new shipping & trading company is looking for Chief Financial Officer. (Head of accounts)
Candidate should have sound background of Accounting and Income Tax.
Candidate should have ability to work independently.
Shipping & Trading experience a plus.
Candidate will be heading the accounts department and will have to setup a new startup.
Interested please email or mail your resume attn. to Zeeshan Khan @ info@tnicom.com or Mezzanine Floor, 24/C, Stadium Lane 1, Phase 5, D.H.A., Karachi-75500, Pakistan.
Voice: (92-21) 5854569, Fax: (92-21) 5854635
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| Jokes!! |
| A Chartered Accountant and a Cost Accountant are seated next to each other
on a flight from Karachi to Islamabad. The ACMA asks CA if he would like to
play a game. The CA, who's tired (from work) and just wants to take a nap,
politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The
ACMA persists and says the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I
ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me 500, and
vice versa." Again, the CA declines and tries to get some sleep. The ACMA,
now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me 500, and
if I don't know the answer, I will pay you 5000." This catches the CA's
attention; and figuring there will be no end to this torment unless he
plays, he agrees to the game.
The ACMA asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the
moon?" The CA doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a 500
bill, and hands it to the ACMA. "Okay," says the ACMA, "it's your turn."
He asks the ACMA, "What goes up a hill with three legs but comes down with
four legs?"
The ACMA, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his
references--no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and
searches the Net and the Library--no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to
all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the CA
and hands him 5000.
The CA says "Thank you" and turns back to get some more sleep.
The ACMA, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the CA and asks,
"Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the CA reaches into his wallet, hands the ACMA 500, and goes
back to sleep.
KK.
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| Credit Card Journal Entry |
| My question has two parts.The first one is a confirmity.
1.It is said that the credit card is issued by a bank through a credit card company.i.e the bank takes a credit from credit card company and give a loan in terms of that card.Bank is a debtor of credit card company and credit company is the creditor of the bank.
Tell me if my concept is correct?
If yes then
2.What a journal entry will the bank make? When we make a transaction with a credit card and when we give our credit card bill at the end of the month? |
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| Capital and net Profit |
| It is said that profit of a business increases its capital , then why the profit of a paricular year is not added into the capital of the next year.
Year1 Year2
Capital 15,000
Profit 3,000
Now in year2 why will we not enter the figure of 18,000 as the profit of year1 has increased the capital.
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| Chartered Accountant's AutoBiography |
| My wife is a CA
When I told my mom that I wanted a professional woman as my wife, she got me one; a Chartered Accountant. She works in an audit firm as its only female partner. Everybody calls her a partner, which leaves me seething with fury. She is supposed to be MY partner, which leaves me seething with fury. She is supposed to be My partner only, and not everybody’s partner. I am man of temperate moods, but I do have my wild swings. One thing that really bugs me about my wife is her habit of referencing. It really makes be blow the top when she starts referencing food while refrigerating it. By the way, she uses LIFO method while taking out the refrigerated food.
Now I have stopped bringing my office work home. The reason is that one-day I awoke to find all sorts of irrational scratches in ink on my feasibility report project and ten pages list of queries to sole, lying smugly besides it. She thinks I am no good at figure work. Fine with me, for now she handles the budget of the house. Initially she used to send me a bill at month end, but when I told her that I am not her client but her husband she asks for the money in advance. The expenses had been rising steadily over the months, so one day I snooped into the paper maintained in a current file. No wonder! She was charging conveyance and overtime to the house budget. She is crazy, I tell her and she corrects me. No my darling, I am auditor. I fail to see the difference.
Every scrap of the paper in our house is filed. She tells me as per some Ordinance she must keep a copy of every thing for at least ten years before destroying it. I am worried. Does the law apply to husband too? When we go for shopping she never leaves home without her HL-122. At the shop she hates to pay in cash and always ask for any lease terms available. The other day we had an hour-long fight. Later, I got to know that she had charged that hour to a client of her in my time sheet, that I am supposed to make, she charged that to unoccupied. The fight was about the year. She wanted to change the year-end of our house to match the fiscal year of the government. She says that she says that she loves me and I tell her that I love her too. However, she never believes me. She says that there is susceptibility of my statement to being a misstatement. I say, duh! She wants my representation on this and I tell her that I am going to jump off the Eden Heights, if she won’t shut up. She says that her office is on a minute’s drive from the EH. Darling! Do you mind doing the stunt during the lunch or 5:30 rush hour, please?
Once she brought some colleague of hers and I was shocked to see that the colleague had access to our bills and other financial details. I was calmed by my wife who told me that it was merely an external audit her colleague here was namely to give his opinion. After that the two of them got down to counting our assets in the house.
Last I heard, before I passes out, was the word ‘Stock-take’ whether that means. Last year our house accounts got a qualified opinion for not calling in three quotations for my personal purchases and to compound the mistake I had not kept the supporting etc. of my purchases.
Not a long time back my brother’s wedding was to be solemnized. Wedding cards had been sent. After some time I started receiving some curious steady trickle of letters. I was puzzled until my wife was explained that external evidence was more reliable. She had called for confirmations from all those to whom cards were sent. When she cooks, my wife at times does not go by recipe. Where the recipe says add half-teaspoon vinegar, she one tsp black salt or one teacup of water, she ignores them. She says that they are not material when taken in context of whole meal being prepared. What control do I really have in this house? She has segregated every job in the house to prevent words starting with C. Now I boil the water for tea. She brings in the mug. I pour the tea. We both take tea and I clean the mugs and all. She tells me in this way the control risk in minimized. Sure Sure. Whatever she says.
She is crazy, I tell you. Surprisingly every body calls her an auditor, instead. I checked the dictionary and I did not state that auditor is a synonym for crazy. The dictionary must be outdated. When we got married, she had given me an Engagement Letter and I Had said how cute-how sweet. Now she gives it to me every year saying that her standards state that it must be sent a new if there is any indication that I misunderstand the objective and scope of engagement. Huh!
All I have done was ask her, if she was still interested in the marriage or else. Apart from sending me the engagement letter once again she tells. I can’t get rid off her just like that. She says that she has the right of being heard before I appointed some one else. I fear she is contemplating allying a meeting. The only hint I got was that I had only 21 days and that I must keep reading one Urdu and English newspaper published and circulated in the vicinity of our house for more details. I have decided to have chitchat with her.
I told her, “you are crazy” and she said, “I know darling for I was crazy enough to cry juggling my CA with my house.” I am happily shocked. She continues, “Darling! I am thinking of affiliating with you. What do you say?” “What I have to say?” I tell her that I am ecstatic and let’s let bygones by bygones. She heaved a sigh of relief and said, “Phew! For a minute, I thought that we had jeopardized our Going Concern status.” Duh! I say.
Muhammad Asif Masood
for islam see,
www.dawateislami.net |
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| Accounting Jokes - Let's prove we are not boring |
| A doctor is explaining to her patient that the patient only has six months to live. The patient responds: "But doctor isn't there anything I can do?"
The doctor thinks for a few minutes then says:
"You could marry an accountant and move to South Dakota."
The patient responds:
"Will that help me live longer?"
The doctor replies:
"No, but it will make the six months SEEM a lot longer."
Our staff has completed the 5 years of work on the Y2K project on-time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all
databases, all data files, and modified all data to reflect the change. We have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data effective Tuesdak, Februark 11, 1999.
An accountant is lying on the beach next to a lawyer. The lawyer comments that a fire had destroyed his office and as soon as he collected the insurance proceeds, he would rebuild.
The accountant responded: "What a remarkable coincidence, a flood had destroyed his office and as soon as he collected the insurance proceeds he would rebuild."
After a few moments the lawyer asked: "So how do you start a flood anyway?"
The company owner is dieing and calls in his lawyer and his accountant. The owner says "I am dieing and I want to try taking my wealth with me. At my funeral put these envelopes in my grave. So at the funeral, the lawyer and the accountant put the envelopes in the grave.
In the limosine on the way home the lawyer feels bad and tells the accountant that he had opened the envelope, found one hundred thousand in cash and had taken fifty thousand out. The lawyer had justified that as his fee, but now he felt bad.
The accountant responded "How could you have disregarded a dieing man's last request? How could you charge a fee of fifty percent? You should be ashamed of yourself, I left my personal check for the full amount."
A lawyer and an accountant are applying to join the FBI. They have passed all tests but the final one. Both are in a waiting room ready for their final test.
First, the lawyer is given a gun and told to go into the room and execute the spy sitting in the chair. The lawyer goes into the room, sees the person sitting in the chair blindfolded. She lifts the blindfold and sees its her husband. She leaves the room saying she could not shoot him. The lawyer is told she failed the test and can not become an FBI agent.
The accountant is given a gun and is told to execute the spy. The accountant goes into the room and the agents outside the room hear a gun shot. After this they hear a lot a rustling and banging.
Finally the accountant comes out and says, "someone put blanks in the gun so I had to choke him to death."
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Muhammad Asif Masood
for islam see,
www.dawateislami.net
