121-130: General Discussion - Accountancy Forum Topics

Crash Course In Management

Lesson Number One : A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long ?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson : 1) To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson Number Two : A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "But I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings ?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Management Lesson : 1) Bullshi t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. Lesson Number Three : When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money. "And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.....All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shi t! Management Lesson : 1) You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do. Lesson Number Four : A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out ! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him ! Management Lessons : 1) Not everyone who drops shi t on you is your enemy. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of shi t is your friend. 3) When you're in deep shi t, keep your mouth shut ! S M R

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16 Deep Thoughts!

1. Life is sexually transmitted. 2. Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane. 3. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end. 4. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 5. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 6. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. 7. If God wanted us to touch our toes, he would have put them on our knees. 8. Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that). 9. If you're living on the edge, make sure you wear your seat belt. 10. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open. 11. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. 12. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. 13. A closed mouth gathers no feet. 14. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 15. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere. 16. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney. OSA

Welcome Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me Again

Asallam o Alaikum!! Dear Freinds! I am here again. Will try to actively participate. Muhammad Asif Masood for islam see, www.dawateislami.net

Searching A Fooooooooooool!!!!!!!

OH NO!!!!!!!!!!! U R!!!!!!!!

Life

on the 26 may 1981, an accident took place in a southern town of the region of south asia. the town was karachi and the country was pakistan. at thet moment no one knows tht this is one of the worst accident of human history. it was a total disaster resulted due to the efforts of certain individuals. a great plague on the plant has arrived and yes ! it was i . it was the day when angles fropped me, MR XYZ on the face of the planet called earth. and when i reached my destination, i was greeted by atleast 10 peoples as far as my memory goes. those 10 people were all around me, starring at me like they have seen something, which they haven't poissably seen before. but as soon as i observe them closely, i didn't take too much of time in realizing tht i just have beed dropped among a bunch of fools and tht bluffing then won't be a big problem. it made me feel very happy when i thought tht i can live my life always betraying them. thus from this point, my endless marathon of life begins. me! who m i ? wht m i ? why m i ? and how m i ? this is tht sequence of questions, which atleast to me is the most diffcult thing to answer. not because they are too hard to understand or too diffcult to comperhend, but bcz these questions are so simple tht one could end up writing a whole dictinoary on it and the words won't stop coming by. me ! well , i definitly am an exemption. i m a real burdun on the society and this wht atleast i think of my existence.as i was dropped among a bunch of fools , i decided tht i'll live my life by fooling them more and more and will enjoy every single moment of it. this adoption of mine soon became an aim, a motto and a mission. thus a little baby boy, my fav. activites were putting my toys in the washing machine and turning it on, taking out shampoo from the bottles, drwaing animal pictures on the walls , hiding dad's volet in the washroom. then came the day when i took my first sep outside the walls of my house and started my communication network with the outside world. but as they say " there is always the fear of unknown" i definitly was a little shaky. but whn i actually came close to them, i immediatly realized tht this unknown was not good enough to be feared. this unknown was not much different from tht bunch of people, who greeted me on my arrival to this miserable world. the first man i met in this unknown was a second copy of ABHRAHAM LINCOLN, but offcourse not as wise as him. he had a long white beared with very old spectacles. i met him in a very large room which was full of trophies and files. he starred at me as if he has just seen the judgment day arriving. then he gave me a pencil and sat on a comfortable chair, which was in tht room. after some moments of great confusion and chaos, i came to realize tht i was in PRINCIPLE's office and he was the PRINCIPLE yes ! i was school. but i was not more than a piece of a cake. it didn't took me a long to make a real nitrous mark. just 10 days and i reacehd a milestone; i broke the window of my class room , some thing no one has done before me. many people started to fear me. they started to think tht i m a 4 year old bandit; who will ruin every thing. at tht time, i thought i might be a little superior to them, which ofcourse was totally wrong. in 1st grade i had my first fight not with a student , not with a teacher or with anyother individual but with a couple of street dogs. they were searching for food tht bight and i was there to greet them with stones. but then the glare with which they starred at me, those horriable eyes and long wet tounges coming out of there filthy mouths , i just simply can't forget it. it was terrifying it took three pedestrains tht night to save my live from those dogs, but the race of life didn't end here. in 2ne grade , i fell in love for the first time . she was a beautiful girl . she was the best thing i had ever seen and she was all over my mind. so wht i did...? i proposed her. she took her completely by shoojk and told it to the teacher..and tht lincoln copied principle. but i crossed all limits in craze of my first love tht i even went to the principle , asking him to shift my place right next to her in the class. ;) and tht was it ....minue later i a was greeted with a letter in a white coloured envelope. it was a historical day and a great achievement in my life. it was my first suspension letter and the moment i hold it in my hand, i came to know tht certainly it was not the last one. in 4th grade, i was found cutting hair of one of my female collegues. i ended up making her cry for the whole day , and her cry ender up bringing her parants to the school to complain abt me yet again. as a result i was awarded with another suspension letter , this time of 5 days , 2 days more than the previous one. i knew i had the skills of making people annoy very easily, so i always looked for improvement and it was proved in the 5th grade when i ended up with the red hairs of my teacher in one hand and the pair of gardener scissors in the other. surprisengly , i was not suspended this time , bcz the victimized teacher had a soft corner for me and she forgave me whole heartedly , something i never expected. soon came the collage , the time whwn a teenager thinks tht he is the king of the world. collage as truly said by some1 , a place where some persue learning and others learn persuring. my story was also not quite different. vry soon i earned the reputation of a big shot among the boys, not beacuse tht i was a strong or rich or i had the back up support to show any1 down, but just bcz i was always outside the class. hardly a boy in the whole collage found me, sitting at a place and listening to the teacher's lectures whole daylong. indeed i used to give preference on tht tall wall which linked our collagw with a GIRLS COLLAGE i used to attend 5 of my 8 periods on tht wall and if tht girls collage would have beed my studying place , studies could have beed quite a pleasure. i did so many things in collage tht to remember them all will be an impoissable task. as far as my merory strikes me , i used to dance outside collage gate daily at 2PM ( bcz it was the time of deparutre of the neighbouring girls collge) , used to tease the guards and chokidars.....;) and last but not the least , used to punture the tyres of my teacher's cas. specially the car of my mathematics teacher bcz his vehicle was as old as the PYTHAGOROUS THEOREM, and i hated it . on many occasions i was caught red handed. i was quite regularly found snatching lunch from younger students. i was found placing firecrackers under teacher's chair. i was also found playing cricket on the high roof of t he collage, a place where even the birds are scard to sit. :) 3 times i was found grazing through the girls collage weraing BURQA as my line of disguize as well as line of defence. i was once even convicted of hitting my principle with a chalk, when he was deliviring speech in front of the whole collage in the morning assembly. in the ebd it was literally a miracle tht i was survuved in the collage for so many years. i got suspended many times but never got expelled. due to the lack of space and your precious time i can't describe all the tricks tht i played with this life. if i desvribe all of them , then certainly this articles will not be less than bible but much more entertaining and full of fun , but wht can be done. we are stuck with it . anywayz ! i can atleast tell u one conculding fact abt my collage life. i ended up obtaining 12 suspension letters when i was thrown away by the collage admiistration after being told tht i have finally passed 12 grade. and here i m right now , sitting in between a loucy pack of future chartered accountants attending an economics class. i thonght to try understanding GDP, GNP, NNP, and all tht PPPPPP stuff, it will be better to write this piece of small knowlegde . amd i know , my economics teacher will be proude of me . bcz i never studied , but still got the same marks as the other charted accountants. i never thought, i could have ended up here, bcz chartered accountant is something for serious people, not stupid characters like me .. any how the life continous, continous and continous.... but one thing is sure. the day i become chartered accounatnt, by accident offcourse , ICAP will go off for a long time. and it will take atleat 100 years before the next conference of chartered accountants is organised in my beloved country. so before such a hilarious situation comes into play, i must stop telling u abt my pathetic life. you people pray tht i die early and let this humanity live in PEACE. in the end i'll like to tell u , wht was my inspiration behind living sunch a miserable and out of order life. someone said "IF U CAN JUDGE UR TIME YOU CA DRIVE AND FLY" but after continous trying and failing, i asked question myself, " WHY TO DRIVE AND DIE, IF U CAN DOPE and FLY"

Re-appearence In Icap Exams

hi......freinds app ka kia khayal hai .. kia BODs of ICAP should RE_APPEARE in ICAP exams ......and clear the papers with the same passing criteria with other students ...whts ur opnion ....??? bbye TCZZZ ALEE_RULEZ Never seek advice from a Chartered Accountant. They are trained to find problems not solutions.

Options For Financial Qualifications ???

Please let me know the options available in Karachi !

A Diplomatic Kiss

General Musharaf, Vajpayee, Aishwarya Rai and Margaret Thatcher are sitting in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Both women and Gen Musharraf are sitting there looking perplexed. Vajpayee is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything. Thatcher is thinking: "These Indians are all crazy after Aishwarya. Vajpayee must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him." Aishwarya is thinking: "Vajpayee must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped." Vajpayee is thinking: "Damn it, Musharraf must have tried to kiss Aishwarya, she must have thought it was me and slapped my face. " Musharraf is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Vajpayee again." Never seek advice from a Chartered Accountant. They are trained to find problems not solutions.

Eid Mubarak!!!!!!!

Eid Mubarak to ALL ALLAH karain k ye Eid Haqeeqi khushee le ker aaye phir hum sub ho jayein. Muhammad Asif Masood for islam visit www.dawateislami.net