10-23-2007, 02:42 PM
<font color="red"><font size="3"><center><font size="5">THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE</font id="size5"></center></font id="size3"></font id="red">
<font size="2"><font size="4">I found this book stimulating and thought provoking.
There is no real excellence in this entire world which can be separated from right living. (David Starr Jordan)
We began to realize that if we wanted to change the situation, we first had to change ourselves. And to change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.
Benjamin Franklin¡¦s autobiography is representative of that literature. It is, basically, the story of one man¡¦s effort to integrate certain principles and habits deep within his nature.
The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.
Your attitude determines your altitude.
Smiling wins more friends than frowning.
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve.
The Psalmist expressed our conviction well ¡§Search your own heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life.¡¨
You sometimes get by, perhaps even get good grades, but if you don¡¦t pay the price day in and day out, you never achieve true mastery of the subjects you study or develop an educated mind.
Emerson once put it ¡§What you shout so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say.¡¨
In the words of William George Jordan, ¡§Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil ¡V the silent, unconscious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be.¡¨
Each of us has many many maps in our head, which can be divided into two main categories maps of the way things are, or realities, and maps of the way things should be, or values. We interpret everything we experience through these mental maps. We seldom question their accuracy; we¡¦re usually even unaware that we have them. We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be.
It is not logical; it¡¦s psychological.
This brings into focus one of the basic flaws of the Personality Ethic. To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flow.
Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are ¡V or, as we are conditioned to see it. When we open our mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms.
But, as the demonstration shows, sincere, clearheaded people see things differently, each looking through the unique lens of experience.
But each person¡¦s interpretation of these facts represents prior experiences, and the facts have no meaning whatsoever apart from the interpretation.
The more aware we are of our basic paradigms, maps, or assumptions, and the extent to which we have been influenced by our experience, the more we can take responsibility for those paradigms, examine them, test them against reality, listen to others and be open to their perceptions, thereby getting a larger picture and a far more objective view.
The term paradigm shift was introduced by Thomas Kuhn in his highly influential landmark book, The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. Kuhn shows how almost every significant breakthrough in the field of scientific endeavor is first a break with tradition, with old ways of thinking, with old paradigms.
Our paradigms correct or incorrect are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors, and ultimately our relationship with others.
Many people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they face a life-threatening crisis and suddenly see their priorities in a different light, or when they suddenly step into a new role, such as that of husband or wife, parent or grandparent, manager or leader.
It is obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors. But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our basic paradigms.
In the words of Thoreau, ¡§For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.¡¨ We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors flow.
The Character Ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that govern human effectiveness ¡V natural laws in the human dimension that are just as real, just as unchanging and unarguably ¡§there¡¨ as laws such as gravity are in the physical dimension.
While practices are situationally specific, principles are deep, fundamental truths that have universal application.
When these truths are internalized into habits, they empower people to create a wide variety of practices to deal with different situations.
In all of life, there are sequential stages of growth and development. A child learns to turn over, to sit up, to crawl, and then to walk and run. ¡§Each step is important and each one takes time. No step can be skipped.
We know and accept this fact or principle of process in the area of physical things, but to understand it in emotional areas, in human relations, and even in the area of personal character is less common and more difficult. And even if we understand it, to accept it and to live in harmony with it are even less common and more difficult. Consequently, we sometimes look for a shortcut, expecting to be able to skip some of these vital steps in order to save time and effort and still reap the desired result.
But what happens when we attempt to shortcut a natural process in our growth and development? If you are only an average tennis player but decide to play at a higher level in order to make a better impression, what will result? Would positive thinking alone enable you to compete effectively against a professional?
Thoreau taught, ¡§How can we remember our ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all the time?¡¨
To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or working associates, we must learn to listen. And this requires emotional strength. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand ¡V highly developed qualities of character.
In an attempt to compensate for my efficiency, I borrowed strength from my position and authority and forced her to do what I wanted her to do.
But borrowing strength builds weakness.
If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent. If you want to have more freedom, more latitude in your job, be a more responsible, a more helpful, and more contributing employee. If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy. If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus first on primary greatness of character.
Making and keeping promises to ourselves precede making and keeping promises to others.
And in all of my experience, I have never seen lasting solutions to problems, lasting happiness and success that came from the outside in.
I have seen unhappy marriages where each spouse wants the other to change, where each is confessing the other¡¦s ¡§sins¡¨ where each is trying to shape up the other.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit. (Aristotle)
Habits are powerful factors in our lives. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character and produce our effectiveness¡K¡K or ineffectiveness.
But I also know it isn¡¦t a quick fix. It involves a process and a tremendous commitment.
More energy was spent in the first few minutes of lift-off, in the first few miles of travel, than was used over the next several days to travel half a million miles.
Happiness, ¡§the object and design of our existence.¡¨ Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually.
On the maturity continuum, dependence is the paradigm of you ¡V you take care of me; you come through for me; you didn¡¦t come through; I blame you for the results.
Independence is the paradigm of I ¡V I can do it; I am responsible; I am self-reliant; I can choose.
Interdependence is the paradigm of we ¡V we can do it; we can cooperate; we can combine our talents and abilities and create something greater together.
Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their won effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.
True independence of character empowers us to act rather than be acted upon. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal. But it is not the ultimate goal in effective living.
Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality. Independent people who do not have the maturity to think and act interdependently may be good individual producers, but they won¡¦t be good leaders or team players. They are not coming from the paradigm of interdependence necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational reality.
As an interdependent person I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human being.
Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They don¡¦t have the character to do it; they don¡¦t own enough of themselves.
Most people see effectiveness from the golden egg paradigm the more you produce, the more you do, the more effective you are.
If you adopt a pattern of life that focuses on golden eggs and neglects the goose, you will soon be without the asset that produces golden eggs. On the other hand, if you only take care of the goose with no aim toward the golden eggs, you soon won¡¦t have the wherewithal to feed yourself or the goose.
Effectiveness lies in the balance ¡V what I call the P/PC balance. P stands for production of desired results, the golden eggs. PC stands for production capability, the ability or asset that produces the golden eggs.
Had I invested in PC ¡V in preserving and maintaining the asset ¡V I would still be enjoying its P ¡V the mowed lawn. As it was, I had to spend far more time and money replacing the mower than I ever would have spent, had I maintained it. It simply wasn¡¦t effective.
In our quest for short-term returns, or results, we often ruin a prized physical asset ¡V a car, a computer, a washer or dryer, even our body or our environment.
The PC principle is to always treat your employees exactly as you want them to treat your best customers.
Effectiveness lies in the balance. Excessive focus on P results in ruined health, worn-out machines, depleted bank accounts, and broken relationships.
I would suggest that you shift your paradigm of your own involvement in this material from the role of learner to that of teacher. Take an inside-out approach, and read with the purpose in mind of sharing or discussing what you learn with someone else within 48 hours after you learn it.
In the last analysis, as Marilyn Ferguson observed, ¡§No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal.¡¨
Ironically, you will find that as you care less about what others think of you, you will care more about what others think of themselves and their worlds, including their relationship with you. You¡¦ll no longer build your emotional life on other people¡¦s weaknesses. In addition, you¡¦ll find it easier and more desirable to change because there is something ¡V some core deep within ¡V that is essentially changeless.
Self-growth is tender; it¡¦s holy ground. There¡¦s no greater investment.
In the words of Thomas Paine, ¡§That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price on its goods.¡¨
I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor. (Henry David Thoreau)
We call it self-awareness or the ability to think about your very thought process. This is the reason why man has dominion over all things in the world and why he can make significant advances from generation to generation.
We are not our feelings. We are not our moods. We are not even our thoughts. The very fact that we can think about these things separates us from them and from the animal world. Self-awareness enables us to stand apart and examine even the way we ¡§see¡¨ ourselves ¡V our self-paradigm, the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness. It affects not only our attitudes and behaviors, but also how we see other people. It becomes our map of the basic nature of mankind.
But because of the unique human capacity of self-awareness, we can examine our paradigms to determine whether they are reality or principle-based or if they are a function of conditioning and conditions.
There are actually three social maps ¡V three theories of determinism widely accepted, independently or in combination, to explain the nature of man. Genetic determinism basically says your grandparents did it to you. That¡¦s why you have such a temper. Your grandparents had short tempers and it¡¦s in your DNA. In addition, you¡¦re Irish and that¡¦s the nature of Irish people.
Psychic determinism basically says your parents did it to you. Your upbringing, your childhood experience essentially laid out your personal tendencies and your character structure. That¡¦s why you¡¦re afraid to be in front of a group.
Environmental determinism basically says your boss is doing it to you ¡V or your spouse, or that bratty teenager, or your economic situation, or national policies. Someone or something in your environment is responsible for your situation.
Freudian psychology, which postulates that whatever happens to you as a child shapes your character and personality and basically governs your whole life. The limits and parameters of your life are set and basically, you can¡¦t do much about it.
In the midst of the most degrading circumstances imaginable, Frankl used the human endowment of self-awareness to discover a fundamental principle about the nature of man; between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.
Within the freedom to choose are those endowments that make us uniquely human. In addition to self-awareness we have imagination ¡V the ability to create in our minds beyond our present reality. We have conscience ¡V a deep inner awareness of right and wrong, of the principles that govern our behavior, and a sense of the degree to which our thoughts and actions are in harmony with them. And we have independent will ¡V the ability to act based on our self-awareness, free of all other influences.
The extent to which we exercise and develop these endowments empower us to fulfill our uniquely human potential.
It means as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and responsibility to make things happen.
Look at the word responsibility ¡V ¡§response-ability¡¨ ¡V the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feelings.
Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn¡¦t it affects their attitude and their performance. Proactive people can carry their own weather with them. Whether it rains or shines makes no difference to them.
The ability to subordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the proactive person. Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. Proactive people are driven by values ¡V carefully thought about, selected and internalized values.
As Eleanor Roosevelt observed, ¡§No one can hurt you without your consent.¡¨ In the words of Ghandi, ¡§They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them.¡¨
But until a person can say deeply and honestly, ¡§I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,¡¨ that person cannot say, ¡§I choose otherwise.¡¨
It¡¦s not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us. Of course, things can hurt us physically or economically and can cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all. In fact, our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and develop the internal powers, the freedom to handle difficult circumstances in the future and to inspire others to do so as well.
I could see in her eyes a life of character, contribution and service as well as love and concern and appreciation.
Victor Frankl suggests that there are three central values in life ¡V the experiential, or that which happens to us; the creative, or that which we bring into existence; and the attitudinal, or our response in difficult circumstances such as terminal illness.
Difficult circumstances often create paradigm shifts, whole new frames of reference by which people see the world and themselves and others in it, and what life is asking of them. Their larger perspective reflects the attitudinal values that lift and inspire us all.
Our basic nature is to act, and not to be acted upon. As well as enabling us to choose our response to particular circumstances, this empowers us to create circumstances.
Over the years I have frequently counseled people who wanted better jobs to show more initiative ¡V to take interest and aptitude tests, to study the industry, even the specific problems the organizations they are interested in are facing and then to develop an effective presentation showing how their abilities can help solve the organization¡¦s problem. It¡¦s called ¡§solution selling¡¨ and is a key paradigm in business success.
Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them. But people who end up with the good jobs are the proactive ones who are solutions to problems, no problems themselves, who seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary, consistent with correct principles, to get the job done.
Part one What¡¦s happening to us is not good, and the trends suggest that it will get worse before it gets better. Part two But what we are causing to happen is very good, for we are better managing and reducing our costs and increasing our market share. Part three Therefore, business is better than ever.
But that¡¦s the difference between positive thinking and proactiveness. We did face reality. We faced the reality of the current circumstance and of future projections. But we also faced the reality that we had the power to choose a positive response to those circumstances and projections.
The organization does not have to be at the mercy of the environment; it can take the initiative to accomplish the shared values and purposes of the individuals involved.
Because of our attitudes and behaviors flow out of our paradigms, if we use our self-awareness to examine them, we can often see in them the nature of our underlying maps. Our language for example, is a very real indicator of the degree to which we see ourselves as proactive people.
Reactive Language Proactive Language
There¡¦s nothing I can do. Let¡¦s look at our alternatives.
That¡¦s just the way I am. A can choose a different approach.
He makes me so mad. I control my own feelings.
They won¡¦t allow that. I create an effective presentation.
I have to do that. I will choose an appropriate response.
I can¡¦t. I choose.
I must. I prefer.
If only. I will.
That language comes from a basic paradigm of determinism. And the whole spirit of it is the transfer of responsibility.
A serious problem with reactive language is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People become reinforced in the paradigm that they are determined, and they produce evidence to support the belief. They feel increasingly victimized and out of control, not in charge of their life or their destiny. They blame outside forces ¡V other people, circumstances, even the stars ¡V for their own situation.
My friend, love is a verb. Love ¡V the feeling ¡V is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?
Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return.
Another excellent way to become more self-aware regarding our own degree of proactivity is to look at where we focus our time and energy. We each have a wide range of concerns ¡V our health, our children, problems at work, the national debt, nuclear war. We could separate those from things in which we have no particular mental or emotional involvement by creating a Circle of Concern.
As we look at those things within our Circle of Concern, it becomes apparent that there are some things over which we have no real control and others that we can do something about. We could identify those concerns in the latter group by circumscribing them within a smaller Circle of Influence.
By determining which of these two circles is the focus of most of our time and energy, we can discover much about the degree of our proactivity.
Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase.
Reactive people on the other hand, focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern. They focus on the weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have not control .Their focus results in blaming and accusing attitudes, reactive language and increased feelings of victimization. The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas they could do something about, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.
By working on ourselves instead of worrying about conditions, we were able to influence the conditions.
Proactive people have a Circle of Concern that is at least as big as their Circle of Influence, accepting the responsibility to use their influence effectively.
The problems we face fall in one of three areas direct control (problems involving our own behavior); indirect control (problems involving other people¡¦s behavior); or no control (problems we can do nothing about, such as our past or situational realities). The proactive approach puts the first step in the solution of all three kinds of problems within our present Circle of Influence.
Direct control problems are solved by working on our habits. They are obviously within our Circle of Influence. These are the ¡§ Private Victories¡¨ of Habits 1, 2 & 3.
Indirect control problems are solved by changing our methods of influence. These are the ¡§Public Victories¡¨ of Habits 4, 5 & 6. I have personally identified over 30 separate methods of human influence. ¡K Most people have only three or four of these methods in their repertoire, starting usually with reasoning, and, that doesn¡¦t work, moving to flight or fight. How it is to accept the idea that I can learn new methods of human influence instead of constantly trying to use old ineffective methods to ¡§shape up¡¨ someone else.
No control problems involve taking the responsibility to change the line on the bottom on our face ¡V to smile, to genuinely and peacefully accept these problems and learn to live with them, even though we don¡¦t like them. ¡KWe share in the spirit embodies in the Alcoholics Anonymous prayer, ¡§Lord, give me the courage to change the things which can and ought to be changed, the serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.¡¨
Whether a problem is direct, indirect, or no control, we have in our hands the first step to the solution. Changing our habits, changing our methods of influence and changing the way we see our no control problems are all within our Circle of Influence.
It is inspiring to realize that in choosing our response to circumstance, we powerfully affect our circumstance.
But one of the executives was proactive. He was driven by values, not feelings. He took the initiative ¡V he anticipated, he empathized, he read the situation. He was not blind to the president¡¦s weaknesses; but instead of criticizing them, he would compensate for them. Where the president was weak in his style, he¡¦d try to buffer his own people and make such weaknesses irrelevant. And he¡¦d work with the president¡¦s strengths ¡V his vision, talent, creativity.
This man focused on his Circle of Influence. He was treated like a gofer, also. But he would do more than what was expected. He anticipated the president¡¦s need. ¡KSo, when presented information, he also gave his analysis and his recommendations based on that analysis.
The recommendations are consistent with the analysis, and the analysis is consistent with the data.
This man¡¦s success was not dependent on his circumstances. Many others were in the same situation. It was his chosen response to those circumstances, his focus on his Circle of Influence, that made the difference.
One way to determine which circle our concern is to distinguish between the have¡¦s and the be¡¦s. The Circle of Concern is filled with the have¡¦s ¡§I¡¦ll be happy when I have my house paid off. If only I had a boss who wasn¡¦t such a dictator. If I had more obedient kids.¡¨ The Circle of Influence is filled with the be¡¦s ¡V I can be more patient, be wise, be loving.
The proactive approach is to change from the inside-out to be different, and by being different, to effect positive change in what¡¦s out there ¡V I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be more creative, I can be more cooperative.
It¡¦s the story of Joseph, who was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers at the age of seventeen. Can you imagine how easy it would have been for him to languish in self-pity as a servant of Potiphar, to focus on the weaknesses of his brothers and his captors and on all he didn¡¦t have? But Joseph was proactive. He worked on be. And within a short period of time, he was running Potiphar¡¦s household. He was in charge of all that Potiphar had because the trust was so high.
Then the day came when Joseph was caught in a difficult situation and refused to compromise his integrity. As a result, he was unjustly imprisoned for thirteen years. But again he was proactive. He worked on the inner circle, on being instead of having and soon he was running the prison and eventually the entire nation of Egypt, second only to the Pharaoh.
If I really want to improve my situation I can work on the one thing over which I have control ¡V myself. I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses.
Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is to be happy, just to genuinely smile. Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice. There are things, like the weather, that our Circle of Influence will never include. But as proactive people, we can carry our own physical or social weather with us.
The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct and learn from it. ¡§Success,¡¨ said IBM founder T. J. Watson, ¡§is on the far side of failure.¡¨
It is not what others do or even our own mistakes that hurt us the most; it is our response to those things. Chasing after the poisonous snake that bites us will only drive the poison through our entire system. It is far better to take measures immediately to get the poison out.
At the very heart of our Circle of Influence is our ability to make and keep commitments and promises. The commitments we make to ourselves and to others, and our integrity to those commitments, is the essence and clearest manifestation of our proactivity.
It is here that we find two ways to put ourselves in control of our lives immediately. We can make a promise ¡V and keep it. Or we can set a goal - and work to achieve it. As we make and keep commitments, even small commitments, we begin to establish an inner integrity that gives us awareness of self-control and the courage and strength to accept more of the responsibility for our own lives.
The power to make and keep commitments to ourselves is the essence of developing the basic habits of effectiveness. Knowledge, skill and desire are all within our control.
We don¡¦t have to go through the death camp experience of Frankl to recognize and develop our own proactivity. It is in the ordinary events of every day that we develop the proactive capacity to handle the extraordinary pressures of life. It¡¦s how we make and keep commitments, how we handle a traffic jam, how we respond to an irate customer or a di***edient child. It¡¦s how we view our problems and where we focus our energies.
Look at the weakness of others with compassion, not accusation. It¡¦s not what they¡¦re not doing or should be doing that¡¦s the issue. The issue is your own chosen response to the situation and what you should be doing.
We are responsible for our own effectiveness, for our own happiness, and ultimately, I would say, for most of our circumstances.
Samuel Johnson observed ¡§The fountain of content must spring up in the mind, and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition, will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief he proposes to remove.¡¨
Knowing that we are responsible ¡V ¡§response-able¡¨ ¡V is fundamental to effectiveness and to every other habit of effectiveness we will discuss.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us (Oliver Wendell Holmes).
To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know you are going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.
It is possible to be busy ¡V very busy ¡V without being very effective.
People often find themselves achieving victories that are empty, successes that have come at the expense of things they suddenly realize were far more valuable to them. People from every walk of life ¡V doctors, academicians, actors, politicians, business professionals, athletes and plumbers ¡V often struggle to achieve a higher income, more recognition or a certain degree of professional competence, only to find that their drive to achieve their goal blinded them to the things that really mattered most and now are gone.
How our lives are when we really know is deeply important to us and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most.
If you carefully consider what you wanted to be said of you in the funeral experience, you will find your definition of success. It may be very different from the definition you thought you had in mind. Perhaps fame, achievement, money or some of the other things we strive for are not even part of the right wall.
The carpenter¡¦s rule is ¡§measure twice, cut once.¡¨ You have to make sure that the blueprint, the first creation, is really what you want, that you¡¦ve thought everything through. Then you put it into bricks and mortar. Each day you go to the construction shed and pull out the blueprint to get marching orders for the day. You begin with the end in mind.
Most business failures begin in the first creation, with problems such as undercapitalization, misunderstanding of the market, or lack of a business plan.
In our personal lives, if we do not develop our own self-awareness and become responsible for first creations, we empower other people and circumstances outside our Circle of Influence to shape much of our lives by default. We reactively live the scripts handed to us by family, associates, other people¡¦s agendas, the pressures of circumstance-scripts from our earlier years, from our training, our conditioning.
In the words of both Peter Drucker and Warren Bannis, ¡§Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.¡¨ Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.
The leader is the one who climbs the tallest tree, surveys the entire situation, and yells, ¡§wrong jungle.¡¨
But how do the busy, efficient producers and managers often respond? ¡§Shut up! We¡¦re making progress.¡¨
I am convinced that too often parents are also trapped in the management paradigm, thinking of control, efficiency, and rules instead of direction, purpose and family feeling.
Leadership is even more lacking in our personal lives. We¡¥re into managing with efficiency, setting and achieving goals before we have even clarified our values.
Through imagination, we can visualize the uncreated worlds of potential that lie within us. Through conscience, we can come in contact with universal laws or principles with our own singular talents and avenues of contribution, and with the personal guidelines within which we can most effectively develop them. Combined with self-awareness, these two endowments empower us to write our own script.
The most effective way I know to begin with the end in mind is to develop a personal mission statement or philosophy or creed. It focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do (contributions and achievements) and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are based.
Do not fear mistakes ¡V fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes.
Facilitate the success of subordinates.
Listen twice as much as you speak.
Concentrate all abilities and efforts on the task at hand, not worrying about the next job or promotion.
I especially want to teach my children to love, to learn and to laugh ¡V and to work and develop their unique talents.
A personal mission statement based on correct principles becomes the same kind of standard for an individual. It becomes a personal constitution, the basis for making major, life-directing decisions, the basis for making daily decisions in the midst of the circumstances and emotion that affect our lives. It empowers individuals with the same timeless strength in the midst of change.
With a mission statement, we can flow with changes. We don¡¦t need prejudgments or prejudices. We don¡¦t need to figure out everything else in life, to stereotype and categorize everything and everybody in order to accommodate reality.
In the Nazi death camps where Victor Frankl learned the principle of proactivity, he also learned the importance of purpose, of meaning in life. The essence of ¡§logotherapy¡¨ the philosophy he later developed and taught, is that many so-called mental and emotional illnesses are really symptoms of an underlying sense of meaninglessness or emptiness.
It is also here that our focused efforts achieve the greatest results. As we work within the very centre of our Circle of Influence, we expand it. This is highest leverage PC work, significantly impacting the effectiveness of every aspect of our lives.
Whatever is at the centre of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom and power.
Security represents your sense of worth, your identity, your emotional anchorage, your self-esteem, your basic personal strength or lack of it.
Guidance means your source of direction in life¡K.are standards or principles or implicit criteria that govern moment by moment decision-making and doing.
Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other.
Power is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something. It is the vital energy to make choices and decisions. It also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones.
Each of us has a centre, though we usually don¡¦t recognize it as such. Neither do we recognize the all-encompassing effects of that centre on every aspect of our lives.
Family-Centered Parents do not have the emotional freedom, the power, to raise their children with their ultimate welfare truly in mind. If they derive their own security from the family, their need to be popular with their children may override the importance of a long-term investment in their children¡¦s growth and development. Or they may be focused on the proper and correct behaviour of the moment. Any behaviour that they consider improper threatens their security. They become upset, guided by the emotions of the moment, spontaneously reacting to the immediate concern rather than the long-term growth and development of the child.
In a hierarchy or continuum of needs, physical survival and financial security comes first. Other needs are not even activated until that basic need is satisfied, at least minimally.
Consider again the four life-support factors ¡V security, guidance, wisdom and power. Suppose I derive much of my security from my employment or from my income or net worth. Since many factors affect these economic foundations, I become anxious and uneasy, protective and defensive, about anything that may affect them. When my sense of personal worth comes from my net worth, I am vulnerable to anything that will affect that net worth. But work and money, per se, provide no wisdom, no guidance and only a limited degree of power and security. All it takes to show the limitations of a money centre is a crisis in my life or in the life of a loved one.
Work-Centered People may become ¡§workaholics,¡¨ driving themselves to produce at the sacrifice of health, relationships and other important areas of their lives. Their fundamental identity comes from their work ¡V ¡§I¡¦m a doctor,¡¨ ¡§I¡¦m a writer,¡¨ ¡§I¡¦m an actor.¡¨
Because their identity and sense of self-worth are wrapped up in their work, their security is vulnerable to anything that happens to prevent them from continuing in it. Their guidance is a function of the demands of the work. Their wisdom and power come in the limited areas of their work, rendering them ineffective in other areas of life.
Possession-Centeredness A driving force of many people is possessions ¡V not only tangible, material possessions such as fashionable clothes, homes, cars, boats and jewelry but also the intangible possessions of fame, glory or social prominence. Most of us are aware, through our own experience, how singularly flawed such a centre is, simply because it can vanish rapidly and it is influenced by so many forces.
If I am in the presence of someone of greater net worth or fame or status, I feel inferior. If I am in the presence of someone of lesser net worth or fame or status, I feel superior¡K.We have all stories of people committing suicide after losing their fortunes in a significant stock decline or their fame in a political reversal.
Pleasure-Centeredness We live in a world where instant gratification is available and encouraged. Television and movies are major influences in increasing people¡¦s expectations.
Innocent pleasures in moderation can provide relaxation for the body and mind and can foster family and other relationships. But pleasure, per se, offers no deep, lasting satisfaction or sense of fulfillment. The pleasure-centered person, too soon bored with each succeeding level of ¡§fun,¡¨ constantly cried for more and more¡KA person in this state becomes almost entirely narcissistic, interpreting all of life in terms of the pleasure it provides to the self here and now.
Malcolm Muggeridge writes ¡§A twentieth century testimony¡¨ When I look back on my life nowadays, which I sometimes do, what strikes me most forcibly about it is that what seemed at the time most significant and seductive, seems now most futile and absurd. For instance, success in all of its various guises; being known and being praised; ostensible pleasures, like acquiring money or traveling, going to and fro in the world and up and down in it like Satan, explaining and experiencing whatever Vanity Fair has to offer. In retrospect, all these exercises in self-gratification seem pure fantasy, what Pascal called, ¡§licking the earth.¡¨
Friend/Enemy-Centeredness Young people are particularly, though certainly not exclusively, susceptible to becoming friend-centered. Acceptance and belonging to a peer group can become almost supremely important. The distorted and ever-changing social mirror becomes the source for the four life-support factors, creating a high degree of dependence on the fluctuating moods, feelings, attitudes and behaviour of others.
¡§Wouldn¡¦t you really prefer to teach at this university, if the man were not here?¡¨ I asked him. ¡§Yes, I would,¡¨ he responded. ¡§But as long as he is here, then my staying is too disruptive to everything in life. I have to go.¡¨ ¡§Why have you made this administrator the centre of your life?¡¨ I asked him.
Many divorced people fall into a similar pattern. They are still consumed with anger and bitterness and self-justification regarding an ex-spouse. In a negative sense, psychologically they are still married ¡V they each need the weaknesses of the former partner to justify their accusations.
Many ¡§older¡¨ children go through life either secretly or openly hating their parents. They blame them for past abuses, neglect or favouritism and they centre their adult life on that hatred, living out the reactive justifying script that accompanies it.
Church-Centeredness There are some people who get so busy in church worship and projects that they become insensitive to the pressing human needs that surround them, contradicting the very precepts they profess to believe deeply.
In the church-centered life, image or appearance can become a person¡¦s dominant consideration, leading to hypocrisy that undermines personal security and intrinsic worth.
Self-Centeredness Perhaps the most common centre today is the self. The most obvious form is selfishness, which violates the values of most people. But if we look closely at many of the popular approaches to growth and self-fulfillment, we often find self-centering at their core.
There is little security, guidance, wisdom or power in the limited centre of self. Like the Dead Sea in Palestine, it accepts but never gives. It becomes stagnant.
On the other hand, paying attention to the development of self in the greater perspective of improving one¡¦s ability to serve, to produce, to contribute in meaningful ways, gives context for dramatic increase in the four life-support factors.
It is often much easier to recognize the centre in someone else¡¦s life than to see it in your own. You probably know someone who puts making money ahead of everything else. You probably know someone whose energy is devoted to justifying his or her position in an ongoing negative relationship. If you look, you can sometimes see beyond behaviour into the centre that creates it.
Centre Security Guidance Wisdom Power
If you are spouse centered
Your feelings of security are based on the way your spouse treats you.
You are highly vulnerable to the moods and feelings of your spouse.
There is deep disappointment resulting in withdrawal or conflict when your spouse disagrees with you or does not meet your expectations.
Anything that may impinge on the relationship is perceived as threat.
Your direction comes from your own needs and wants and from those of your spouse.
Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for your marriage or your mate or to the preferences and opinions of your spouse.
Your life perspective surrounds things which may positively influence your spouse or your relationship.
Your power to act is limited by weaknesses in your spouse and in yourself.
If you are family centered
Your security is founded on family acceptance and fulfilling family expectations.
Your sense of personal security is as volatile as the family.
Your feelings of self-worth are based on the family reputation. Family scripting is your source of correct attitudes and behaviours.
Your decision-making criterion is what is good for the family or what family members want.
You interpret all of life in terms of your family, creating a partial understanding and family narcissism.
Your actions are limited by family models and traditions.
If you are money centered Your personal worth is determined by your net worth.
You are vulnerable to anything that threatens your economic security. Profit is your decision-making criterion. Money making is the lens through which life is seen and understood, creating imbalanced judgment. You are restricted to what you can accomplish with your money and your limited vision.
If you are work centered You tend to define yourself by your occupational role.
You are only comfortable when you are working. You make your decisions based on the needs and expectations of your work. You tend to be limited to your work role.
You see your work as your life. Your actions are limited by work role models, occupational opportunities, organizational constraints, your boss¡¦s perceptions, and your possible inability at some point in your life to do that particular work.
If you are position centered Your security is based on your reputation, your social status, or the tangible things you possess.
You tend to compare what you have to what others have. You make your decisions based on what will protect, increase, or better display your possessions. You see the world in terms of comparative economic and social relationships. You function within the limits of what you can buy or the social prominence you can achieve.
If you are pleasure centered You feel secure only when you¡¦re on a pleasure ¡§high.¡¨
Your security is short-lived, anesthetizing, and environment. You make your decisions based on what will give you the most pleasure. You see the world in terms of what¡¦s in it for you. Your power is almost negligible.
If you are friend centered Your security is a function of the social mirror.
You are highly dependent on the opinions of others. Your decision-making criterion is ¡§What will they think?¡¨
You are easily embarrassed. You see the world through a social lens. You are limited by your social comfort zone.
Your actions are as fickle as opinion.
If you are enemy centered Your security is volatile, based on the movements of your enemy.
You are always wondering what he is up to.
You see self-justification and validation from the like-minded. You are counter-dependently guided by your enemy¡¦s actions.
You make your decisions based on what will thwart your enemy. Your judgment is narrow and distorted.
You are defensive, over-reactive, and often paranoid. The little you do have comes from anger, envy, resentment and vengeance ¡V negative energy that shrivels and destroys, leaving energy for little else.
If you are church centered Your security is based on church activity and on the esteem in which you are held by those in authority or influence in the church.
You find identity and security in religious labels and comparisons. You are guided by how others will evaluate your actions in the context of church teachings and expectations. You see the world in terms of ¡§believers¡¨ and ¡§nonbelievers,¡¨ ¡§belongers¡¨ and ¡§nonbelongers.¡¨ Perceived power comes from your church position or role.
If you are self-centered Your security is constantly changing and shifting. Your judgment criteria are ¡§If it feels good¡K.¡¨ ¡§What I want.¡¨ ¡§What I need.¡¨ ¡§What¡¦s in it for me?¡¨ You view the world by how decisions, events, or circumstances will affect you. Your ability to act is limited to your own resources, without the benefits of interdependency.
The ideal, of course, is to create one clear centre from which you consistently derive high degree of security, guidance, wisdom, and power, empowering your proactivity and giving congruency and harmony to every part of your life.
By centering our lives on correct principles, we create a solid foundation for development of the four life-support factors.
Our security comes from knowing that, unlike other centres based on people or things which are subject to frequent and immediate change, correct principles do not change. We can depend on them.
Principles do not react to anything. They don¡¦t get mad and treat us differently. They won¡¦t divorce us or run away with our best friend. They are not out to get us. They can¡¦t pave our way with shortcuts and quick fixes. They don¡¦t depend on the behaviour of others, the environment, or the current fad for their validity. Principles don¡¦t die. They aren¡¦t here one day and gone the next. They can¡¦t be destroyed by fire, earthquake or theft.
Centre Security Guidance Wisdom Power
If you are principle Centered âX Your security is based on correct principles that do not change regardless of external conditions or circumstances.
âXYou know that true principles can repeatedly be validated in your own life, through your own experiences.
âX As a measurement of self-improvement, correct principles function with exactness, consistency, beauty, and strength.
âX Correct principles help you understand your own development, endowing you with the confidence to learn more, thereby increasing your knowledge and understanding.
âX Your source of security provides you with an immovable, unchanging, unfailing core enabling your to see change as an exciting adventure and opportunity to make significant contributions. âX You are guided by a compass which enables you to see where you want to go and how you will get there.
âX You use accurate data which makes your decisions both implement-able and meaningful.
âX You stand apart from life¡¦s situations, emotions, and circumstances, and look at the balanced whole. Your decisions and actions reflect both short and long term considerations and implications.
âX In every situation, you consciously, proactively determine the best alternative, basing decisions on conscience educated by principles. âX Your judgment encompasses a broad spectrum of long-term consequences and reflects a wise balance and quiet assurance.
âX You see things differently and thus you think and act differently from the largely reactive world.
âX You view the world through a fundamental paradigm for effective, provident living.
âX You see the world in terms of what you can do for the world and its people.
âX You adopt a proactive life style, seeking to serve and build others.
âX You interpret all of life¡¦s experiences in terms of opportunities for learning and contribution. âX Your power is limited only by your understanding and observance of natural law and correct principles and by the natural consequences of the principles themselves.
âX You become a self-aware, knowledgeable proactive individual, largely unrestricted by the attitudes, behaviours and actions of others.
âX Your ability to act reaches far beyond your own resources and encourages highly developed levels of interdependency.
âX Your decisions and actions are not driven by your current financial or circumstantial limitations. You experience an interdependent freedom.
Remember that your paradigm is the source from which your attitudes and behaviours flow. A paradigm is like a pair of glasses; it affects the way you see everything in your life. If you look at things through the paradigm of correct principles, what you see in life is dramatically different from what you see through any other centered paradigm.
As a principle-centered person, you try to stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on you, and evaluate the options. Looking at the balanced whole ¡V the work needs, the family needs, other needs that may be involved and the possible implications of the various alternative decisions ¡V you¡¦ll try to come up with the best solution, taking all factors into consideration.
First, you are not being acted upon by other people or circumstances. You are proactively choosing what you determine to be the best alternative. You make your decision consciously and knowledgeably.
Second, you know your decision is most effective because it is based on principles with predictable long-term results.
And finally, you¡¦ll feel comfortable about your decision. Whatever you chose to do, you can focus on it and enjoy it.
Frankl says we detect rather than invent our missions in life.
A mission statement is not something you write overnight. It takes deep introspection, careful analysis, thoughtful expression, and often many rewrites to produce it in final form. It may take you several weeks or even months before you feel really comfortable with it, before you feel it is a complete and concise expression of your innermost values and directions. Even then, you will want to review it regularly and make minor changes as the years bring additional insights or changing circumstances.
Our self-awareness empowers us to examine our own thoughts. This is particularly helpful in creating a personal mission statement because the two unique human endowments that enable us to practice Habit 2 ¡V imagination and conscience ¡V are primarily functions of the right side of the brain. Understanding how to tap into that right brain capacity greatly increases our first creation ability.
A great deal of research has been conducted for decades on what has come to be called brain dominance theory. The findings basically indicate that each hemisphere of the brain ¡V left and right ¡V tends to specialize in and preside over different functions, process different kinds of information, and deal with different kinds of problems.
Essentially, the left hemisphere is the more logical/verbal one and the right hemisphere the more intuitive, creative one. The left deals with words, right with pictures; the left with parts and specifics, the right with wholes and the relationship between the parts. The left deals with analysis, which means to break apart; the right with synthesis, which means to put together. The left deals with sequential thinking; the right with simultaneous and holistic thinking. The left is time bound; the right is time free.
We live in a primarily left brain-dominant world, where words and measurement and logic are enthroned, and the more creative, intuitive, sensing, artistic aspect of our nature is often subordinated. Many of us find it more difficult to tap into our right brain capacity.
The more we are able to draw upon our right brain capacity, the more fully we will be able to visualize, to synthesize, to transcend time and present circumstances to project a holistic picture of what we want to do and to be in life.
Sometimes we are knocked out of our left brain environment and thought patterns and into the right brain by an unplanned experience. The death of a loved one, a severe illness, a financial setback, or extreme adversity can cause us to stand back, look at our lives, and ask ourselves some hard questions. ¡§What¡¦s really important? Why am I doing what I¡¦m doing?¡¨
But if you¡¦re proactive, you don¡¦t have to wait for circumstances or other people to create perspective expanding experiences. You can consciously create your own.
There are a number of ways to do this. Through the powers of your imagination, you can visualize your own funeral, as we did at the beginning of this chapter. Write your own eulogy. Actually write it out. Be specific.
You can visualize your twenty-fifth and then your fiftieth wedding anniversary. Have your spouse visualize this with you. Try to capture the essence of the family relationship you want to have created through your day-by-day investment over a period of that many years.
You can visualize your retirement from your present occupation. What contributions, what achievements will you want to have made in your field? What plans will you have after retirement? Will you enter a second career?
I have also asked students to live with that expanded perspective for a week and keep a diary of their experiences.
The results are very revealing. They start writing to parents to tell them how much they love and appreciate them. They reconcile with a brother, a sister, a friend where the relationship has deteriorated.
When people seriously undertake to identify what really matters most of them in their lives, what they really want to be and to do, they become very reverent. They start to think in larger terms than today and tomorrow.
A good affirmation has five basic ingredients. It¡¦s personal, it¡¦s positive, it¡¦s present tense, it¡¦s visual, and it¡¦s emotional. So, I might write something like this ¡§It is deeply satisfying (emotional) that I (personal) respond (present tense) with wisdom, love, firmness, and self-control (positive) when my children misbehave.¡¨
Then I can visualize it. I can spend a few minutes each day and totally relax my mind and body¡K..The more clearly and vividly I can imagine the detail, the more deeply I will experience it, the less I will see it as a spectator.
We discovered that the nature of the visualization is very important. If you visualize the wrong thing, you¡¦ll produce the wrong thing.
One of the main things his research showed was that almost all of the world-class athletes and other peak performers are visualizers. They see it; they feel it; they experience it before they actually do it. They begin with the end in mind.
Your creative, visual right brain is one of your most important assets, both in creating your personal mission statement and in integrating it into your life.
You may find that your mission statement will be much more balanced, much easier to work with, if you break it down into the specific role areas of your life and the goals you want to accomplish in each area.
My mission is to live with integrity and to make a difference in the lives of others.
To fulfill this mission
I have charity I seek out and love the one - each one ¡V regardless of his situation.
I sacrifice I devote my time, talents, and resources to my mission.
I inspire I teach by example that we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father and that every Goliath can be overcome.
I am impactful What I do makes a difference in the lives of others.
These roles take priority in achieving my mission
Husband My partner is the most important person in my life. Together we contribute the fruits of harmony, industry, charity and thrift.
Father I help my children experience progressively greater joy in their lives.
Son/Brother I am frequently ¡§there¡¨ for support and love.
Neighbour The love of Christ is visible through my actions toward others.
Change Agent I am a catalyst for developing high performance in large organizations.
Scholar I learn important new things every day.
Writing your mission in terms of the important roles in your life gives you balance and harmony. It keeps each role clearly before you. You can review your roles frequently to make sure that you don¡¦t get totally absorbed by one role to the exclusion of others that are equally or even more important in your life.
An effective goal focuses primarily on results rather than activity. It identifies where you want to be, and, in the process, helps you determine where you are. It gives you important information on how to get there, and it tells you when you have arrived. It unifies your efforts and energy. It gives meaning and purpose to all you do. And it can finally translate itself into daily activities so that you are proactive, you are in charge of your life, you are making happen each day the things that will enable you to fulfill your personal mission statement.
Many families are managed on the basis of crises, moods, quick fixes, and instant gratification ¡V not on sound principles. Symptoms surface whenever stress and pressure mount people become cynical, critical, or silent or they start yelling and overreacting. Children who observe these kinds of behaviour grow up thinking the only way to solve problems is flight or fight.
This mission statement becomes its constitution, the standard, the criterion for evaluation and decision making. It gives continuity and unity to the family as well as direction. When individual values are harmonized together for common purposes that are deeply felt.
Again, the process is as important as the product. The very process of writing and refining a mission statement becomes a key way to improve the family. Working together to create a mission statement builds the PC capacity to live it.
The mission statement becomes the framework for thinking, for governing the family. When the problems and crises come, the constitution is there to remind family members of the things that matter most and to provide direction for problem solving and decision making based on correct principles.
When we plan our family goals and activities, we say, ¡§In light of these principles, what are the goals we¡¦re going to work on? What are our action plans to accomplish our goals and actualize these values?¡¨
An organizational mission statement ¡V one that truly reflects the deep shared vision and values of everyone within that organization ¡V creates a great unity and tremendous commitment. It creates in people¡¦s hearts and minds a frame of reference, a set of criteria or guidelines, by which they will govern themselves. They don¡¦t need someone else directing, controlling, criticizing, or taking cheap shots. They have bought into the changeless core of what the organization is about.
Start a collection of notes, quotes, and ideas you may want to use as resource material in writing your personal mission statement.
Identify a project you will be facing in the near future and apply the principle of mental creation. Write down the results you desire and what steps will lead to those results.
Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. (Goethe)
The human will is an amazing thing. Time after time, it has triumphed against unbelievable odds. The Helen Kellers of this world give dramatic evidence to the value, the power of the independent will.
In other words, if you are an effective manager of your self, your discipline comes from within; it is a function of your independent will. You are a disciple, a follower, of your own deep values and their sou
<font size="2"><font size="4">I found this book stimulating and thought provoking.
There is no real excellence in this entire world which can be separated from right living. (David Starr Jordan)
We began to realize that if we wanted to change the situation, we first had to change ourselves. And to change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.
Benjamin Franklin¡¦s autobiography is representative of that literature. It is, basically, the story of one man¡¦s effort to integrate certain principles and habits deep within his nature.
The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.
Your attitude determines your altitude.
Smiling wins more friends than frowning.
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve.
The Psalmist expressed our conviction well ¡§Search your own heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life.¡¨
You sometimes get by, perhaps even get good grades, but if you don¡¦t pay the price day in and day out, you never achieve true mastery of the subjects you study or develop an educated mind.
Emerson once put it ¡§What you shout so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say.¡¨
In the words of William George Jordan, ¡§Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil ¡V the silent, unconscious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be.¡¨
Each of us has many many maps in our head, which can be divided into two main categories maps of the way things are, or realities, and maps of the way things should be, or values. We interpret everything we experience through these mental maps. We seldom question their accuracy; we¡¦re usually even unaware that we have them. We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be.
It is not logical; it¡¦s psychological.
This brings into focus one of the basic flaws of the Personality Ethic. To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flow.
Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are ¡V or, as we are conditioned to see it. When we open our mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms.
But, as the demonstration shows, sincere, clearheaded people see things differently, each looking through the unique lens of experience.
But each person¡¦s interpretation of these facts represents prior experiences, and the facts have no meaning whatsoever apart from the interpretation.
The more aware we are of our basic paradigms, maps, or assumptions, and the extent to which we have been influenced by our experience, the more we can take responsibility for those paradigms, examine them, test them against reality, listen to others and be open to their perceptions, thereby getting a larger picture and a far more objective view.
The term paradigm shift was introduced by Thomas Kuhn in his highly influential landmark book, The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. Kuhn shows how almost every significant breakthrough in the field of scientific endeavor is first a break with tradition, with old ways of thinking, with old paradigms.
Our paradigms correct or incorrect are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors, and ultimately our relationship with others.
Many people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they face a life-threatening crisis and suddenly see their priorities in a different light, or when they suddenly step into a new role, such as that of husband or wife, parent or grandparent, manager or leader.
It is obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors. But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our basic paradigms.
In the words of Thoreau, ¡§For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.¡¨ We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors flow.
The Character Ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that govern human effectiveness ¡V natural laws in the human dimension that are just as real, just as unchanging and unarguably ¡§there¡¨ as laws such as gravity are in the physical dimension.
While practices are situationally specific, principles are deep, fundamental truths that have universal application.
When these truths are internalized into habits, they empower people to create a wide variety of practices to deal with different situations.
In all of life, there are sequential stages of growth and development. A child learns to turn over, to sit up, to crawl, and then to walk and run. ¡§Each step is important and each one takes time. No step can be skipped.
We know and accept this fact or principle of process in the area of physical things, but to understand it in emotional areas, in human relations, and even in the area of personal character is less common and more difficult. And even if we understand it, to accept it and to live in harmony with it are even less common and more difficult. Consequently, we sometimes look for a shortcut, expecting to be able to skip some of these vital steps in order to save time and effort and still reap the desired result.
But what happens when we attempt to shortcut a natural process in our growth and development? If you are only an average tennis player but decide to play at a higher level in order to make a better impression, what will result? Would positive thinking alone enable you to compete effectively against a professional?
Thoreau taught, ¡§How can we remember our ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all the time?¡¨
To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or working associates, we must learn to listen. And this requires emotional strength. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand ¡V highly developed qualities of character.
In an attempt to compensate for my efficiency, I borrowed strength from my position and authority and forced her to do what I wanted her to do.
But borrowing strength builds weakness.
If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent. If you want to have more freedom, more latitude in your job, be a more responsible, a more helpful, and more contributing employee. If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy. If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus first on primary greatness of character.
Making and keeping promises to ourselves precede making and keeping promises to others.
And in all of my experience, I have never seen lasting solutions to problems, lasting happiness and success that came from the outside in.
I have seen unhappy marriages where each spouse wants the other to change, where each is confessing the other¡¦s ¡§sins¡¨ where each is trying to shape up the other.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit. (Aristotle)
Habits are powerful factors in our lives. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character and produce our effectiveness¡K¡K or ineffectiveness.
But I also know it isn¡¦t a quick fix. It involves a process and a tremendous commitment.
More energy was spent in the first few minutes of lift-off, in the first few miles of travel, than was used over the next several days to travel half a million miles.
Happiness, ¡§the object and design of our existence.¡¨ Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually.
On the maturity continuum, dependence is the paradigm of you ¡V you take care of me; you come through for me; you didn¡¦t come through; I blame you for the results.
Independence is the paradigm of I ¡V I can do it; I am responsible; I am self-reliant; I can choose.
Interdependence is the paradigm of we ¡V we can do it; we can cooperate; we can combine our talents and abilities and create something greater together.
Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their won effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.
True independence of character empowers us to act rather than be acted upon. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal. But it is not the ultimate goal in effective living.
Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality. Independent people who do not have the maturity to think and act interdependently may be good individual producers, but they won¡¦t be good leaders or team players. They are not coming from the paradigm of interdependence necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational reality.
As an interdependent person I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human being.
Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They don¡¦t have the character to do it; they don¡¦t own enough of themselves.
Most people see effectiveness from the golden egg paradigm the more you produce, the more you do, the more effective you are.
If you adopt a pattern of life that focuses on golden eggs and neglects the goose, you will soon be without the asset that produces golden eggs. On the other hand, if you only take care of the goose with no aim toward the golden eggs, you soon won¡¦t have the wherewithal to feed yourself or the goose.
Effectiveness lies in the balance ¡V what I call the P/PC balance. P stands for production of desired results, the golden eggs. PC stands for production capability, the ability or asset that produces the golden eggs.
Had I invested in PC ¡V in preserving and maintaining the asset ¡V I would still be enjoying its P ¡V the mowed lawn. As it was, I had to spend far more time and money replacing the mower than I ever would have spent, had I maintained it. It simply wasn¡¦t effective.
In our quest for short-term returns, or results, we often ruin a prized physical asset ¡V a car, a computer, a washer or dryer, even our body or our environment.
The PC principle is to always treat your employees exactly as you want them to treat your best customers.
Effectiveness lies in the balance. Excessive focus on P results in ruined health, worn-out machines, depleted bank accounts, and broken relationships.
I would suggest that you shift your paradigm of your own involvement in this material from the role of learner to that of teacher. Take an inside-out approach, and read with the purpose in mind of sharing or discussing what you learn with someone else within 48 hours after you learn it.
In the last analysis, as Marilyn Ferguson observed, ¡§No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal.¡¨
Ironically, you will find that as you care less about what others think of you, you will care more about what others think of themselves and their worlds, including their relationship with you. You¡¦ll no longer build your emotional life on other people¡¦s weaknesses. In addition, you¡¦ll find it easier and more desirable to change because there is something ¡V some core deep within ¡V that is essentially changeless.
Self-growth is tender; it¡¦s holy ground. There¡¦s no greater investment.
In the words of Thomas Paine, ¡§That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price on its goods.¡¨
I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor. (Henry David Thoreau)
We call it self-awareness or the ability to think about your very thought process. This is the reason why man has dominion over all things in the world and why he can make significant advances from generation to generation.
We are not our feelings. We are not our moods. We are not even our thoughts. The very fact that we can think about these things separates us from them and from the animal world. Self-awareness enables us to stand apart and examine even the way we ¡§see¡¨ ourselves ¡V our self-paradigm, the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness. It affects not only our attitudes and behaviors, but also how we see other people. It becomes our map of the basic nature of mankind.
But because of the unique human capacity of self-awareness, we can examine our paradigms to determine whether they are reality or principle-based or if they are a function of conditioning and conditions.
There are actually three social maps ¡V three theories of determinism widely accepted, independently or in combination, to explain the nature of man. Genetic determinism basically says your grandparents did it to you. That¡¦s why you have such a temper. Your grandparents had short tempers and it¡¦s in your DNA. In addition, you¡¦re Irish and that¡¦s the nature of Irish people.
Psychic determinism basically says your parents did it to you. Your upbringing, your childhood experience essentially laid out your personal tendencies and your character structure. That¡¦s why you¡¦re afraid to be in front of a group.
Environmental determinism basically says your boss is doing it to you ¡V or your spouse, or that bratty teenager, or your economic situation, or national policies. Someone or something in your environment is responsible for your situation.
Freudian psychology, which postulates that whatever happens to you as a child shapes your character and personality and basically governs your whole life. The limits and parameters of your life are set and basically, you can¡¦t do much about it.
In the midst of the most degrading circumstances imaginable, Frankl used the human endowment of self-awareness to discover a fundamental principle about the nature of man; between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.
Within the freedom to choose are those endowments that make us uniquely human. In addition to self-awareness we have imagination ¡V the ability to create in our minds beyond our present reality. We have conscience ¡V a deep inner awareness of right and wrong, of the principles that govern our behavior, and a sense of the degree to which our thoughts and actions are in harmony with them. And we have independent will ¡V the ability to act based on our self-awareness, free of all other influences.
The extent to which we exercise and develop these endowments empower us to fulfill our uniquely human potential.
It means as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and responsibility to make things happen.
Look at the word responsibility ¡V ¡§response-ability¡¨ ¡V the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feelings.
Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn¡¦t it affects their attitude and their performance. Proactive people can carry their own weather with them. Whether it rains or shines makes no difference to them.
The ability to subordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the proactive person. Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. Proactive people are driven by values ¡V carefully thought about, selected and internalized values.
As Eleanor Roosevelt observed, ¡§No one can hurt you without your consent.¡¨ In the words of Ghandi, ¡§They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them.¡¨
But until a person can say deeply and honestly, ¡§I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,¡¨ that person cannot say, ¡§I choose otherwise.¡¨
It¡¦s not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us. Of course, things can hurt us physically or economically and can cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all. In fact, our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and develop the internal powers, the freedom to handle difficult circumstances in the future and to inspire others to do so as well.
I could see in her eyes a life of character, contribution and service as well as love and concern and appreciation.
Victor Frankl suggests that there are three central values in life ¡V the experiential, or that which happens to us; the creative, or that which we bring into existence; and the attitudinal, or our response in difficult circumstances such as terminal illness.
Difficult circumstances often create paradigm shifts, whole new frames of reference by which people see the world and themselves and others in it, and what life is asking of them. Their larger perspective reflects the attitudinal values that lift and inspire us all.
Our basic nature is to act, and not to be acted upon. As well as enabling us to choose our response to particular circumstances, this empowers us to create circumstances.
Over the years I have frequently counseled people who wanted better jobs to show more initiative ¡V to take interest and aptitude tests, to study the industry, even the specific problems the organizations they are interested in are facing and then to develop an effective presentation showing how their abilities can help solve the organization¡¦s problem. It¡¦s called ¡§solution selling¡¨ and is a key paradigm in business success.
Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them. But people who end up with the good jobs are the proactive ones who are solutions to problems, no problems themselves, who seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary, consistent with correct principles, to get the job done.
Part one What¡¦s happening to us is not good, and the trends suggest that it will get worse before it gets better. Part two But what we are causing to happen is very good, for we are better managing and reducing our costs and increasing our market share. Part three Therefore, business is better than ever.
But that¡¦s the difference between positive thinking and proactiveness. We did face reality. We faced the reality of the current circumstance and of future projections. But we also faced the reality that we had the power to choose a positive response to those circumstances and projections.
The organization does not have to be at the mercy of the environment; it can take the initiative to accomplish the shared values and purposes of the individuals involved.
Because of our attitudes and behaviors flow out of our paradigms, if we use our self-awareness to examine them, we can often see in them the nature of our underlying maps. Our language for example, is a very real indicator of the degree to which we see ourselves as proactive people.
Reactive Language Proactive Language
There¡¦s nothing I can do. Let¡¦s look at our alternatives.
That¡¦s just the way I am. A can choose a different approach.
He makes me so mad. I control my own feelings.
They won¡¦t allow that. I create an effective presentation.
I have to do that. I will choose an appropriate response.
I can¡¦t. I choose.
I must. I prefer.
If only. I will.
That language comes from a basic paradigm of determinism. And the whole spirit of it is the transfer of responsibility.
A serious problem with reactive language is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People become reinforced in the paradigm that they are determined, and they produce evidence to support the belief. They feel increasingly victimized and out of control, not in charge of their life or their destiny. They blame outside forces ¡V other people, circumstances, even the stars ¡V for their own situation.
My friend, love is a verb. Love ¡V the feeling ¡V is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?
Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return.
Another excellent way to become more self-aware regarding our own degree of proactivity is to look at where we focus our time and energy. We each have a wide range of concerns ¡V our health, our children, problems at work, the national debt, nuclear war. We could separate those from things in which we have no particular mental or emotional involvement by creating a Circle of Concern.
As we look at those things within our Circle of Concern, it becomes apparent that there are some things over which we have no real control and others that we can do something about. We could identify those concerns in the latter group by circumscribing them within a smaller Circle of Influence.
By determining which of these two circles is the focus of most of our time and energy, we can discover much about the degree of our proactivity.
Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase.
Reactive people on the other hand, focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern. They focus on the weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have not control .Their focus results in blaming and accusing attitudes, reactive language and increased feelings of victimization. The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas they could do something about, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.
By working on ourselves instead of worrying about conditions, we were able to influence the conditions.
Proactive people have a Circle of Concern that is at least as big as their Circle of Influence, accepting the responsibility to use their influence effectively.
The problems we face fall in one of three areas direct control (problems involving our own behavior); indirect control (problems involving other people¡¦s behavior); or no control (problems we can do nothing about, such as our past or situational realities). The proactive approach puts the first step in the solution of all three kinds of problems within our present Circle of Influence.
Direct control problems are solved by working on our habits. They are obviously within our Circle of Influence. These are the ¡§ Private Victories¡¨ of Habits 1, 2 & 3.
Indirect control problems are solved by changing our methods of influence. These are the ¡§Public Victories¡¨ of Habits 4, 5 & 6. I have personally identified over 30 separate methods of human influence. ¡K Most people have only three or four of these methods in their repertoire, starting usually with reasoning, and, that doesn¡¦t work, moving to flight or fight. How it is to accept the idea that I can learn new methods of human influence instead of constantly trying to use old ineffective methods to ¡§shape up¡¨ someone else.
No control problems involve taking the responsibility to change the line on the bottom on our face ¡V to smile, to genuinely and peacefully accept these problems and learn to live with them, even though we don¡¦t like them. ¡KWe share in the spirit embodies in the Alcoholics Anonymous prayer, ¡§Lord, give me the courage to change the things which can and ought to be changed, the serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.¡¨
Whether a problem is direct, indirect, or no control, we have in our hands the first step to the solution. Changing our habits, changing our methods of influence and changing the way we see our no control problems are all within our Circle of Influence.
It is inspiring to realize that in choosing our response to circumstance, we powerfully affect our circumstance.
But one of the executives was proactive. He was driven by values, not feelings. He took the initiative ¡V he anticipated, he empathized, he read the situation. He was not blind to the president¡¦s weaknesses; but instead of criticizing them, he would compensate for them. Where the president was weak in his style, he¡¦d try to buffer his own people and make such weaknesses irrelevant. And he¡¦d work with the president¡¦s strengths ¡V his vision, talent, creativity.
This man focused on his Circle of Influence. He was treated like a gofer, also. But he would do more than what was expected. He anticipated the president¡¦s need. ¡KSo, when presented information, he also gave his analysis and his recommendations based on that analysis.
The recommendations are consistent with the analysis, and the analysis is consistent with the data.
This man¡¦s success was not dependent on his circumstances. Many others were in the same situation. It was his chosen response to those circumstances, his focus on his Circle of Influence, that made the difference.
One way to determine which circle our concern is to distinguish between the have¡¦s and the be¡¦s. The Circle of Concern is filled with the have¡¦s ¡§I¡¦ll be happy when I have my house paid off. If only I had a boss who wasn¡¦t such a dictator. If I had more obedient kids.¡¨ The Circle of Influence is filled with the be¡¦s ¡V I can be more patient, be wise, be loving.
The proactive approach is to change from the inside-out to be different, and by being different, to effect positive change in what¡¦s out there ¡V I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be more creative, I can be more cooperative.
It¡¦s the story of Joseph, who was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers at the age of seventeen. Can you imagine how easy it would have been for him to languish in self-pity as a servant of Potiphar, to focus on the weaknesses of his brothers and his captors and on all he didn¡¦t have? But Joseph was proactive. He worked on be. And within a short period of time, he was running Potiphar¡¦s household. He was in charge of all that Potiphar had because the trust was so high.
Then the day came when Joseph was caught in a difficult situation and refused to compromise his integrity. As a result, he was unjustly imprisoned for thirteen years. But again he was proactive. He worked on the inner circle, on being instead of having and soon he was running the prison and eventually the entire nation of Egypt, second only to the Pharaoh.
If I really want to improve my situation I can work on the one thing over which I have control ¡V myself. I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses.
Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is to be happy, just to genuinely smile. Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice. There are things, like the weather, that our Circle of Influence will never include. But as proactive people, we can carry our own physical or social weather with us.
The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct and learn from it. ¡§Success,¡¨ said IBM founder T. J. Watson, ¡§is on the far side of failure.¡¨
It is not what others do or even our own mistakes that hurt us the most; it is our response to those things. Chasing after the poisonous snake that bites us will only drive the poison through our entire system. It is far better to take measures immediately to get the poison out.
At the very heart of our Circle of Influence is our ability to make and keep commitments and promises. The commitments we make to ourselves and to others, and our integrity to those commitments, is the essence and clearest manifestation of our proactivity.
It is here that we find two ways to put ourselves in control of our lives immediately. We can make a promise ¡V and keep it. Or we can set a goal - and work to achieve it. As we make and keep commitments, even small commitments, we begin to establish an inner integrity that gives us awareness of self-control and the courage and strength to accept more of the responsibility for our own lives.
The power to make and keep commitments to ourselves is the essence of developing the basic habits of effectiveness. Knowledge, skill and desire are all within our control.
We don¡¦t have to go through the death camp experience of Frankl to recognize and develop our own proactivity. It is in the ordinary events of every day that we develop the proactive capacity to handle the extraordinary pressures of life. It¡¦s how we make and keep commitments, how we handle a traffic jam, how we respond to an irate customer or a di***edient child. It¡¦s how we view our problems and where we focus our energies.
Look at the weakness of others with compassion, not accusation. It¡¦s not what they¡¦re not doing or should be doing that¡¦s the issue. The issue is your own chosen response to the situation and what you should be doing.
We are responsible for our own effectiveness, for our own happiness, and ultimately, I would say, for most of our circumstances.
Samuel Johnson observed ¡§The fountain of content must spring up in the mind, and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition, will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief he proposes to remove.¡¨
Knowing that we are responsible ¡V ¡§response-able¡¨ ¡V is fundamental to effectiveness and to every other habit of effectiveness we will discuss.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us (Oliver Wendell Holmes).
To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know you are going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.
It is possible to be busy ¡V very busy ¡V without being very effective.
People often find themselves achieving victories that are empty, successes that have come at the expense of things they suddenly realize were far more valuable to them. People from every walk of life ¡V doctors, academicians, actors, politicians, business professionals, athletes and plumbers ¡V often struggle to achieve a higher income, more recognition or a certain degree of professional competence, only to find that their drive to achieve their goal blinded them to the things that really mattered most and now are gone.
How our lives are when we really know is deeply important to us and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most.
If you carefully consider what you wanted to be said of you in the funeral experience, you will find your definition of success. It may be very different from the definition you thought you had in mind. Perhaps fame, achievement, money or some of the other things we strive for are not even part of the right wall.
The carpenter¡¦s rule is ¡§measure twice, cut once.¡¨ You have to make sure that the blueprint, the first creation, is really what you want, that you¡¦ve thought everything through. Then you put it into bricks and mortar. Each day you go to the construction shed and pull out the blueprint to get marching orders for the day. You begin with the end in mind.
Most business failures begin in the first creation, with problems such as undercapitalization, misunderstanding of the market, or lack of a business plan.
In our personal lives, if we do not develop our own self-awareness and become responsible for first creations, we empower other people and circumstances outside our Circle of Influence to shape much of our lives by default. We reactively live the scripts handed to us by family, associates, other people¡¦s agendas, the pressures of circumstance-scripts from our earlier years, from our training, our conditioning.
In the words of both Peter Drucker and Warren Bannis, ¡§Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.¡¨ Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.
The leader is the one who climbs the tallest tree, surveys the entire situation, and yells, ¡§wrong jungle.¡¨
But how do the busy, efficient producers and managers often respond? ¡§Shut up! We¡¦re making progress.¡¨
I am convinced that too often parents are also trapped in the management paradigm, thinking of control, efficiency, and rules instead of direction, purpose and family feeling.
Leadership is even more lacking in our personal lives. We¡¥re into managing with efficiency, setting and achieving goals before we have even clarified our values.
Through imagination, we can visualize the uncreated worlds of potential that lie within us. Through conscience, we can come in contact with universal laws or principles with our own singular talents and avenues of contribution, and with the personal guidelines within which we can most effectively develop them. Combined with self-awareness, these two endowments empower us to write our own script.
The most effective way I know to begin with the end in mind is to develop a personal mission statement or philosophy or creed. It focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do (contributions and achievements) and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are based.
Do not fear mistakes ¡V fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes.
Facilitate the success of subordinates.
Listen twice as much as you speak.
Concentrate all abilities and efforts on the task at hand, not worrying about the next job or promotion.
I especially want to teach my children to love, to learn and to laugh ¡V and to work and develop their unique talents.
A personal mission statement based on correct principles becomes the same kind of standard for an individual. It becomes a personal constitution, the basis for making major, life-directing decisions, the basis for making daily decisions in the midst of the circumstances and emotion that affect our lives. It empowers individuals with the same timeless strength in the midst of change.
With a mission statement, we can flow with changes. We don¡¦t need prejudgments or prejudices. We don¡¦t need to figure out everything else in life, to stereotype and categorize everything and everybody in order to accommodate reality.
In the Nazi death camps where Victor Frankl learned the principle of proactivity, he also learned the importance of purpose, of meaning in life. The essence of ¡§logotherapy¡¨ the philosophy he later developed and taught, is that many so-called mental and emotional illnesses are really symptoms of an underlying sense of meaninglessness or emptiness.
It is also here that our focused efforts achieve the greatest results. As we work within the very centre of our Circle of Influence, we expand it. This is highest leverage PC work, significantly impacting the effectiveness of every aspect of our lives.
Whatever is at the centre of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom and power.
Security represents your sense of worth, your identity, your emotional anchorage, your self-esteem, your basic personal strength or lack of it.
Guidance means your source of direction in life¡K.are standards or principles or implicit criteria that govern moment by moment decision-making and doing.
Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other.
Power is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something. It is the vital energy to make choices and decisions. It also includes the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones.
Each of us has a centre, though we usually don¡¦t recognize it as such. Neither do we recognize the all-encompassing effects of that centre on every aspect of our lives.
Family-Centered Parents do not have the emotional freedom, the power, to raise their children with their ultimate welfare truly in mind. If they derive their own security from the family, their need to be popular with their children may override the importance of a long-term investment in their children¡¦s growth and development. Or they may be focused on the proper and correct behaviour of the moment. Any behaviour that they consider improper threatens their security. They become upset, guided by the emotions of the moment, spontaneously reacting to the immediate concern rather than the long-term growth and development of the child.
In a hierarchy or continuum of needs, physical survival and financial security comes first. Other needs are not even activated until that basic need is satisfied, at least minimally.
Consider again the four life-support factors ¡V security, guidance, wisdom and power. Suppose I derive much of my security from my employment or from my income or net worth. Since many factors affect these economic foundations, I become anxious and uneasy, protective and defensive, about anything that may affect them. When my sense of personal worth comes from my net worth, I am vulnerable to anything that will affect that net worth. But work and money, per se, provide no wisdom, no guidance and only a limited degree of power and security. All it takes to show the limitations of a money centre is a crisis in my life or in the life of a loved one.
Work-Centered People may become ¡§workaholics,¡¨ driving themselves to produce at the sacrifice of health, relationships and other important areas of their lives. Their fundamental identity comes from their work ¡V ¡§I¡¦m a doctor,¡¨ ¡§I¡¦m a writer,¡¨ ¡§I¡¦m an actor.¡¨
Because their identity and sense of self-worth are wrapped up in their work, their security is vulnerable to anything that happens to prevent them from continuing in it. Their guidance is a function of the demands of the work. Their wisdom and power come in the limited areas of their work, rendering them ineffective in other areas of life.
Possession-Centeredness A driving force of many people is possessions ¡V not only tangible, material possessions such as fashionable clothes, homes, cars, boats and jewelry but also the intangible possessions of fame, glory or social prominence. Most of us are aware, through our own experience, how singularly flawed such a centre is, simply because it can vanish rapidly and it is influenced by so many forces.
If I am in the presence of someone of greater net worth or fame or status, I feel inferior. If I am in the presence of someone of lesser net worth or fame or status, I feel superior¡K.We have all stories of people committing suicide after losing their fortunes in a significant stock decline or their fame in a political reversal.
Pleasure-Centeredness We live in a world where instant gratification is available and encouraged. Television and movies are major influences in increasing people¡¦s expectations.
Innocent pleasures in moderation can provide relaxation for the body and mind and can foster family and other relationships. But pleasure, per se, offers no deep, lasting satisfaction or sense of fulfillment. The pleasure-centered person, too soon bored with each succeeding level of ¡§fun,¡¨ constantly cried for more and more¡KA person in this state becomes almost entirely narcissistic, interpreting all of life in terms of the pleasure it provides to the self here and now.
Malcolm Muggeridge writes ¡§A twentieth century testimony¡¨ When I look back on my life nowadays, which I sometimes do, what strikes me most forcibly about it is that what seemed at the time most significant and seductive, seems now most futile and absurd. For instance, success in all of its various guises; being known and being praised; ostensible pleasures, like acquiring money or traveling, going to and fro in the world and up and down in it like Satan, explaining and experiencing whatever Vanity Fair has to offer. In retrospect, all these exercises in self-gratification seem pure fantasy, what Pascal called, ¡§licking the earth.¡¨
Friend/Enemy-Centeredness Young people are particularly, though certainly not exclusively, susceptible to becoming friend-centered. Acceptance and belonging to a peer group can become almost supremely important. The distorted and ever-changing social mirror becomes the source for the four life-support factors, creating a high degree of dependence on the fluctuating moods, feelings, attitudes and behaviour of others.
¡§Wouldn¡¦t you really prefer to teach at this university, if the man were not here?¡¨ I asked him. ¡§Yes, I would,¡¨ he responded. ¡§But as long as he is here, then my staying is too disruptive to everything in life. I have to go.¡¨ ¡§Why have you made this administrator the centre of your life?¡¨ I asked him.
Many divorced people fall into a similar pattern. They are still consumed with anger and bitterness and self-justification regarding an ex-spouse. In a negative sense, psychologically they are still married ¡V they each need the weaknesses of the former partner to justify their accusations.
Many ¡§older¡¨ children go through life either secretly or openly hating their parents. They blame them for past abuses, neglect or favouritism and they centre their adult life on that hatred, living out the reactive justifying script that accompanies it.
Church-Centeredness There are some people who get so busy in church worship and projects that they become insensitive to the pressing human needs that surround them, contradicting the very precepts they profess to believe deeply.
In the church-centered life, image or appearance can become a person¡¦s dominant consideration, leading to hypocrisy that undermines personal security and intrinsic worth.
Self-Centeredness Perhaps the most common centre today is the self. The most obvious form is selfishness, which violates the values of most people. But if we look closely at many of the popular approaches to growth and self-fulfillment, we often find self-centering at their core.
There is little security, guidance, wisdom or power in the limited centre of self. Like the Dead Sea in Palestine, it accepts but never gives. It becomes stagnant.
On the other hand, paying attention to the development of self in the greater perspective of improving one¡¦s ability to serve, to produce, to contribute in meaningful ways, gives context for dramatic increase in the four life-support factors.
It is often much easier to recognize the centre in someone else¡¦s life than to see it in your own. You probably know someone who puts making money ahead of everything else. You probably know someone whose energy is devoted to justifying his or her position in an ongoing negative relationship. If you look, you can sometimes see beyond behaviour into the centre that creates it.
Centre Security Guidance Wisdom Power
If you are spouse centered
Your feelings of security are based on the way your spouse treats you.
You are highly vulnerable to the moods and feelings of your spouse.
There is deep disappointment resulting in withdrawal or conflict when your spouse disagrees with you or does not meet your expectations.
Anything that may impinge on the relationship is perceived as threat.
Your direction comes from your own needs and wants and from those of your spouse.
Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for your marriage or your mate or to the preferences and opinions of your spouse.
Your life perspective surrounds things which may positively influence your spouse or your relationship.
Your power to act is limited by weaknesses in your spouse and in yourself.
If you are family centered
Your security is founded on family acceptance and fulfilling family expectations.
Your sense of personal security is as volatile as the family.
Your feelings of self-worth are based on the family reputation. Family scripting is your source of correct attitudes and behaviours.
Your decision-making criterion is what is good for the family or what family members want.
You interpret all of life in terms of your family, creating a partial understanding and family narcissism.
Your actions are limited by family models and traditions.
If you are money centered Your personal worth is determined by your net worth.
You are vulnerable to anything that threatens your economic security. Profit is your decision-making criterion. Money making is the lens through which life is seen and understood, creating imbalanced judgment. You are restricted to what you can accomplish with your money and your limited vision.
If you are work centered You tend to define yourself by your occupational role.
You are only comfortable when you are working. You make your decisions based on the needs and expectations of your work. You tend to be limited to your work role.
You see your work as your life. Your actions are limited by work role models, occupational opportunities, organizational constraints, your boss¡¦s perceptions, and your possible inability at some point in your life to do that particular work.
If you are position centered Your security is based on your reputation, your social status, or the tangible things you possess.
You tend to compare what you have to what others have. You make your decisions based on what will protect, increase, or better display your possessions. You see the world in terms of comparative economic and social relationships. You function within the limits of what you can buy or the social prominence you can achieve.
If you are pleasure centered You feel secure only when you¡¦re on a pleasure ¡§high.¡¨
Your security is short-lived, anesthetizing, and environment. You make your decisions based on what will give you the most pleasure. You see the world in terms of what¡¦s in it for you. Your power is almost negligible.
If you are friend centered Your security is a function of the social mirror.
You are highly dependent on the opinions of others. Your decision-making criterion is ¡§What will they think?¡¨
You are easily embarrassed. You see the world through a social lens. You are limited by your social comfort zone.
Your actions are as fickle as opinion.
If you are enemy centered Your security is volatile, based on the movements of your enemy.
You are always wondering what he is up to.
You see self-justification and validation from the like-minded. You are counter-dependently guided by your enemy¡¦s actions.
You make your decisions based on what will thwart your enemy. Your judgment is narrow and distorted.
You are defensive, over-reactive, and often paranoid. The little you do have comes from anger, envy, resentment and vengeance ¡V negative energy that shrivels and destroys, leaving energy for little else.
If you are church centered Your security is based on church activity and on the esteem in which you are held by those in authority or influence in the church.
You find identity and security in religious labels and comparisons. You are guided by how others will evaluate your actions in the context of church teachings and expectations. You see the world in terms of ¡§believers¡¨ and ¡§nonbelievers,¡¨ ¡§belongers¡¨ and ¡§nonbelongers.¡¨ Perceived power comes from your church position or role.
If you are self-centered Your security is constantly changing and shifting. Your judgment criteria are ¡§If it feels good¡K.¡¨ ¡§What I want.¡¨ ¡§What I need.¡¨ ¡§What¡¦s in it for me?¡¨ You view the world by how decisions, events, or circumstances will affect you. Your ability to act is limited to your own resources, without the benefits of interdependency.
The ideal, of course, is to create one clear centre from which you consistently derive high degree of security, guidance, wisdom, and power, empowering your proactivity and giving congruency and harmony to every part of your life.
By centering our lives on correct principles, we create a solid foundation for development of the four life-support factors.
Our security comes from knowing that, unlike other centres based on people or things which are subject to frequent and immediate change, correct principles do not change. We can depend on them.
Principles do not react to anything. They don¡¦t get mad and treat us differently. They won¡¦t divorce us or run away with our best friend. They are not out to get us. They can¡¦t pave our way with shortcuts and quick fixes. They don¡¦t depend on the behaviour of others, the environment, or the current fad for their validity. Principles don¡¦t die. They aren¡¦t here one day and gone the next. They can¡¦t be destroyed by fire, earthquake or theft.
Centre Security Guidance Wisdom Power
If you are principle Centered âX Your security is based on correct principles that do not change regardless of external conditions or circumstances.
âXYou know that true principles can repeatedly be validated in your own life, through your own experiences.
âX As a measurement of self-improvement, correct principles function with exactness, consistency, beauty, and strength.
âX Correct principles help you understand your own development, endowing you with the confidence to learn more, thereby increasing your knowledge and understanding.
âX Your source of security provides you with an immovable, unchanging, unfailing core enabling your to see change as an exciting adventure and opportunity to make significant contributions. âX You are guided by a compass which enables you to see where you want to go and how you will get there.
âX You use accurate data which makes your decisions both implement-able and meaningful.
âX You stand apart from life¡¦s situations, emotions, and circumstances, and look at the balanced whole. Your decisions and actions reflect both short and long term considerations and implications.
âX In every situation, you consciously, proactively determine the best alternative, basing decisions on conscience educated by principles. âX Your judgment encompasses a broad spectrum of long-term consequences and reflects a wise balance and quiet assurance.
âX You see things differently and thus you think and act differently from the largely reactive world.
âX You view the world through a fundamental paradigm for effective, provident living.
âX You see the world in terms of what you can do for the world and its people.
âX You adopt a proactive life style, seeking to serve and build others.
âX You interpret all of life¡¦s experiences in terms of opportunities for learning and contribution. âX Your power is limited only by your understanding and observance of natural law and correct principles and by the natural consequences of the principles themselves.
âX You become a self-aware, knowledgeable proactive individual, largely unrestricted by the attitudes, behaviours and actions of others.
âX Your ability to act reaches far beyond your own resources and encourages highly developed levels of interdependency.
âX Your decisions and actions are not driven by your current financial or circumstantial limitations. You experience an interdependent freedom.
Remember that your paradigm is the source from which your attitudes and behaviours flow. A paradigm is like a pair of glasses; it affects the way you see everything in your life. If you look at things through the paradigm of correct principles, what you see in life is dramatically different from what you see through any other centered paradigm.
As a principle-centered person, you try to stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on you, and evaluate the options. Looking at the balanced whole ¡V the work needs, the family needs, other needs that may be involved and the possible implications of the various alternative decisions ¡V you¡¦ll try to come up with the best solution, taking all factors into consideration.
First, you are not being acted upon by other people or circumstances. You are proactively choosing what you determine to be the best alternative. You make your decision consciously and knowledgeably.
Second, you know your decision is most effective because it is based on principles with predictable long-term results.
And finally, you¡¦ll feel comfortable about your decision. Whatever you chose to do, you can focus on it and enjoy it.
Frankl says we detect rather than invent our missions in life.
A mission statement is not something you write overnight. It takes deep introspection, careful analysis, thoughtful expression, and often many rewrites to produce it in final form. It may take you several weeks or even months before you feel really comfortable with it, before you feel it is a complete and concise expression of your innermost values and directions. Even then, you will want to review it regularly and make minor changes as the years bring additional insights or changing circumstances.
Our self-awareness empowers us to examine our own thoughts. This is particularly helpful in creating a personal mission statement because the two unique human endowments that enable us to practice Habit 2 ¡V imagination and conscience ¡V are primarily functions of the right side of the brain. Understanding how to tap into that right brain capacity greatly increases our first creation ability.
A great deal of research has been conducted for decades on what has come to be called brain dominance theory. The findings basically indicate that each hemisphere of the brain ¡V left and right ¡V tends to specialize in and preside over different functions, process different kinds of information, and deal with different kinds of problems.
Essentially, the left hemisphere is the more logical/verbal one and the right hemisphere the more intuitive, creative one. The left deals with words, right with pictures; the left with parts and specifics, the right with wholes and the relationship between the parts. The left deals with analysis, which means to break apart; the right with synthesis, which means to put together. The left deals with sequential thinking; the right with simultaneous and holistic thinking. The left is time bound; the right is time free.
We live in a primarily left brain-dominant world, where words and measurement and logic are enthroned, and the more creative, intuitive, sensing, artistic aspect of our nature is often subordinated. Many of us find it more difficult to tap into our right brain capacity.
The more we are able to draw upon our right brain capacity, the more fully we will be able to visualize, to synthesize, to transcend time and present circumstances to project a holistic picture of what we want to do and to be in life.
Sometimes we are knocked out of our left brain environment and thought patterns and into the right brain by an unplanned experience. The death of a loved one, a severe illness, a financial setback, or extreme adversity can cause us to stand back, look at our lives, and ask ourselves some hard questions. ¡§What¡¦s really important? Why am I doing what I¡¦m doing?¡¨
But if you¡¦re proactive, you don¡¦t have to wait for circumstances or other people to create perspective expanding experiences. You can consciously create your own.
There are a number of ways to do this. Through the powers of your imagination, you can visualize your own funeral, as we did at the beginning of this chapter. Write your own eulogy. Actually write it out. Be specific.
You can visualize your twenty-fifth and then your fiftieth wedding anniversary. Have your spouse visualize this with you. Try to capture the essence of the family relationship you want to have created through your day-by-day investment over a period of that many years.
You can visualize your retirement from your present occupation. What contributions, what achievements will you want to have made in your field? What plans will you have after retirement? Will you enter a second career?
I have also asked students to live with that expanded perspective for a week and keep a diary of their experiences.
The results are very revealing. They start writing to parents to tell them how much they love and appreciate them. They reconcile with a brother, a sister, a friend where the relationship has deteriorated.
When people seriously undertake to identify what really matters most of them in their lives, what they really want to be and to do, they become very reverent. They start to think in larger terms than today and tomorrow.
A good affirmation has five basic ingredients. It¡¦s personal, it¡¦s positive, it¡¦s present tense, it¡¦s visual, and it¡¦s emotional. So, I might write something like this ¡§It is deeply satisfying (emotional) that I (personal) respond (present tense) with wisdom, love, firmness, and self-control (positive) when my children misbehave.¡¨
Then I can visualize it. I can spend a few minutes each day and totally relax my mind and body¡K..The more clearly and vividly I can imagine the detail, the more deeply I will experience it, the less I will see it as a spectator.
We discovered that the nature of the visualization is very important. If you visualize the wrong thing, you¡¦ll produce the wrong thing.
One of the main things his research showed was that almost all of the world-class athletes and other peak performers are visualizers. They see it; they feel it; they experience it before they actually do it. They begin with the end in mind.
Your creative, visual right brain is one of your most important assets, both in creating your personal mission statement and in integrating it into your life.
You may find that your mission statement will be much more balanced, much easier to work with, if you break it down into the specific role areas of your life and the goals you want to accomplish in each area.
My mission is to live with integrity and to make a difference in the lives of others.
To fulfill this mission
I have charity I seek out and love the one - each one ¡V regardless of his situation.
I sacrifice I devote my time, talents, and resources to my mission.
I inspire I teach by example that we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father and that every Goliath can be overcome.
I am impactful What I do makes a difference in the lives of others.
These roles take priority in achieving my mission
Husband My partner is the most important person in my life. Together we contribute the fruits of harmony, industry, charity and thrift.
Father I help my children experience progressively greater joy in their lives.
Son/Brother I am frequently ¡§there¡¨ for support and love.
Neighbour The love of Christ is visible through my actions toward others.
Change Agent I am a catalyst for developing high performance in large organizations.
Scholar I learn important new things every day.
Writing your mission in terms of the important roles in your life gives you balance and harmony. It keeps each role clearly before you. You can review your roles frequently to make sure that you don¡¦t get totally absorbed by one role to the exclusion of others that are equally or even more important in your life.
An effective goal focuses primarily on results rather than activity. It identifies where you want to be, and, in the process, helps you determine where you are. It gives you important information on how to get there, and it tells you when you have arrived. It unifies your efforts and energy. It gives meaning and purpose to all you do. And it can finally translate itself into daily activities so that you are proactive, you are in charge of your life, you are making happen each day the things that will enable you to fulfill your personal mission statement.
Many families are managed on the basis of crises, moods, quick fixes, and instant gratification ¡V not on sound principles. Symptoms surface whenever stress and pressure mount people become cynical, critical, or silent or they start yelling and overreacting. Children who observe these kinds of behaviour grow up thinking the only way to solve problems is flight or fight.
This mission statement becomes its constitution, the standard, the criterion for evaluation and decision making. It gives continuity and unity to the family as well as direction. When individual values are harmonized together for common purposes that are deeply felt.
Again, the process is as important as the product. The very process of writing and refining a mission statement becomes a key way to improve the family. Working together to create a mission statement builds the PC capacity to live it.
The mission statement becomes the framework for thinking, for governing the family. When the problems and crises come, the constitution is there to remind family members of the things that matter most and to provide direction for problem solving and decision making based on correct principles.
When we plan our family goals and activities, we say, ¡§In light of these principles, what are the goals we¡¦re going to work on? What are our action plans to accomplish our goals and actualize these values?¡¨
An organizational mission statement ¡V one that truly reflects the deep shared vision and values of everyone within that organization ¡V creates a great unity and tremendous commitment. It creates in people¡¦s hearts and minds a frame of reference, a set of criteria or guidelines, by which they will govern themselves. They don¡¦t need someone else directing, controlling, criticizing, or taking cheap shots. They have bought into the changeless core of what the organization is about.
Start a collection of notes, quotes, and ideas you may want to use as resource material in writing your personal mission statement.
Identify a project you will be facing in the near future and apply the principle of mental creation. Write down the results you desire and what steps will lead to those results.
Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. (Goethe)
The human will is an amazing thing. Time after time, it has triumphed against unbelievable odds. The Helen Kellers of this world give dramatic evidence to the value, the power of the independent will.
In other words, if you are an effective manager of your self, your discipline comes from within; it is a function of your independent will. You are a disciple, a follower, of your own deep values and their sou