12-27-2003, 06:09 AM
TEACHER Why are you late?
Student Because of the sign.
TEACHER What sign?
Student The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
2.TEACHER Furqan, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
Furqan You told me to do it without using tables!-
3.TEACHER Ali, how do you spell "crocodile"?
BILAL "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER No, that's wrong
BILAL Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
4. CHEM. TEACHER What is the chemical formula for water?
ZAMIN "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER What are you talking about?
ZAMIN Yesterday you said it's H to O!
5.TEACHER Arsh (our arsh bhayya) , go to the map and find North America.
Arsh Here it is!
TEACHER Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS Arsh!
6.TEACHER Arsh, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have twenty years ago.
Arsh Me!
7.Our ENGLISH TEACHER Ali, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Ali I is...
TEACHERNo, Ali. Always say, "I am."
Ali All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
8.Teacher "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
(a voice from the back of teh class) "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the Same day same time.
9.Teacher Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student Brotherly love.
10.Teacher Now, Ahsan, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Ahsan No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
11.Teacher What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Class A teacher.
Lie Detector
Few days back CDS invented the first lie detector in the world. But they wanted to test it before launching the product in public. So, Arsh, Saad and Fawad are called upon to test a lie detector. Arsh says -I think I can solve twenty questions in an hour-. BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. -Ok-, he says, -10 questions-. And the machine is silent. Saad says -I think I can solve 15 questions-. BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. -Allright, 5 questions-. And the machine's silent. Fawad says -I think...-, BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
English Test
Somones (*cough* ahem ahem T-a-s-h *cough) finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how he did his exam. For that he replied - Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!-
Ali (the Kuwaiti Guy) is praying!!!!!!
One morning, when I entered the class I saw that Ali got down to his knees and starting thanking God.
Me "Asad, you're praying?? wow, tha's good"
Asad "Yes, coz I love my Car."
Me "What?? Your car is missing; what are you thanking God for?"
Asad replied, "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't driving the car at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
WASH BASIN!!!
A student goes to the cafetara and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
Another student comes running and asks him, "what are you doing?"
To this the man replies, "Oye, see the board here, 'Wash Basin'!"
Our Professor - Getting his PhD!!!
Our Professor (*cough* ya'll know whos that) was very keen on doing his Ph.D.He was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before! As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from of
him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach. He picked the roach and put it in the centreof the table and said "Run". The roach ran. He pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said "Run". The roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said "Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said "Run". The roach could not! Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear anymore".
COMPUTER STUDENTS
One day, I went to the Computer lab to check my mails. I saw that the students were moving their machines to another room (as they were being instructed by their teacher). Arsh was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Zamin "My computer has a 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"
Arsh "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!
ENTRANCE TEST
Samy wanted to take admission in CDS. So, he went to CDS, filled out the form and as ya'll known had to have an interview with the director. The director told him that in order to gain admittane he must answer two questions
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
Samy thought for a few minutes and answered.
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
The director said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
Samy replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
The director lets him in without another word.
SHAKESPEARE
1. Q "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" Arsh "No, who wrote it?"
OUR PHYSICS TEACHER
Q How do you keep him busy all day?
A Draw a circle and tell him to find all the corners.
Q How do you confuse him?
A You don't. He's born that way.
Q How do you keep him busy?
A Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper and give it to him.
Q What do you get when U offer a surd a penny for his thoughts?
A Change.
MOBILs
One day Zubi came to the college with two red ears. The teacher asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the mobil rang - but instead of picking up my mobil I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the teacher exclaimed in disbelief. "But....what happened to your other ear?" "He called back."!!!!!
Monthly Tests
Ovy is appearing for his monthly tests. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his hat and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oyey, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, "it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'".
After he got his results
Kaku (aka CR) Dad,can you write in the dark?
FATHER I think so. What do you want me to write?
Kaku Your name on this report card.
S H A H B A Z A L I
Student Because of the sign.
TEACHER What sign?
Student The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
2.TEACHER Furqan, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
Furqan You told me to do it without using tables!-
3.TEACHER Ali, how do you spell "crocodile"?
BILAL "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER No, that's wrong
BILAL Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
4. CHEM. TEACHER What is the chemical formula for water?
ZAMIN "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER What are you talking about?
ZAMIN Yesterday you said it's H to O!
5.TEACHER Arsh (our arsh bhayya) , go to the map and find North America.
Arsh Here it is!
TEACHER Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS Arsh!
6.TEACHER Arsh, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have twenty years ago.
Arsh Me!
7.Our ENGLISH TEACHER Ali, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Ali I is...
TEACHERNo, Ali. Always say, "I am."
Ali All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
8.Teacher "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
(a voice from the back of teh class) "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the Same day same time.
9.Teacher Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student Brotherly love.
10.Teacher Now, Ahsan, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Ahsan No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
11.Teacher What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Class A teacher.
Lie Detector
Few days back CDS invented the first lie detector in the world. But they wanted to test it before launching the product in public. So, Arsh, Saad and Fawad are called upon to test a lie detector. Arsh says -I think I can solve twenty questions in an hour-. BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. -Ok-, he says, -10 questions-. And the machine is silent. Saad says -I think I can solve 15 questions-. BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. -Allright, 5 questions-. And the machine's silent. Fawad says -I think...-, BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
English Test
Somones (*cough* ahem ahem T-a-s-h *cough) finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how he did his exam. For that he replied - Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!-
Ali (the Kuwaiti Guy) is praying!!!!!!
One morning, when I entered the class I saw that Ali got down to his knees and starting thanking God.
Me "Asad, you're praying?? wow, tha's good"
Asad "Yes, coz I love my Car."
Me "What?? Your car is missing; what are you thanking God for?"
Asad replied, "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't driving the car at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
WASH BASIN!!!
A student goes to the cafetara and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
Another student comes running and asks him, "what are you doing?"
To this the man replies, "Oye, see the board here, 'Wash Basin'!"
Our Professor - Getting his PhD!!!
Our Professor (*cough* ya'll know whos that) was very keen on doing his Ph.D.He was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before! As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from of
him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach. He picked the roach and put it in the centreof the table and said "Run". The roach ran. He pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said "Run". The roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said "Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said "Run". The roach could not! Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear anymore".
COMPUTER STUDENTS
One day, I went to the Computer lab to check my mails. I saw that the students were moving their machines to another room (as they were being instructed by their teacher). Arsh was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Zamin "My computer has a 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"
Arsh "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!
ENTRANCE TEST
Samy wanted to take admission in CDS. So, he went to CDS, filled out the form and as ya'll known had to have an interview with the director. The director told him that in order to gain admittane he must answer two questions
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
Samy thought for a few minutes and answered.
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
The director said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
Samy replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
The director lets him in without another word.
SHAKESPEARE
1. Q "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" Arsh "No, who wrote it?"
OUR PHYSICS TEACHER
Q How do you keep him busy all day?
A Draw a circle and tell him to find all the corners.
Q How do you confuse him?
A You don't. He's born that way.
Q How do you keep him busy?
A Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper and give it to him.
Q What do you get when U offer a surd a penny for his thoughts?
A Change.
MOBILs
One day Zubi came to the college with two red ears. The teacher asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the mobil rang - but instead of picking up my mobil I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the teacher exclaimed in disbelief. "But....what happened to your other ear?" "He called back."!!!!!
Monthly Tests
Ovy is appearing for his monthly tests. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his hat and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oyey, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, "it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'".
After he got his results
Kaku (aka CR) Dad,can you write in the dark?
FATHER I think so. What do you want me to write?
Kaku Your name on this report card.
S H A H B A Z A L I