05-10-2003, 03:21 AM
A doctor is explaining to her patient that the patient only has six months to live. The patient responds "But doctor isn't there anything I can do?"
The doctor thinks for a few minutes then says
"You could marry an accountant and move to South Dakota."
The patient responds
"Will that help me live longer?"
The doctor replies
"No, but it will make the six months SEEM a lot longer."
Our staff has completed the 5 years of work on the Y2K project on-time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all
databases, all data files, and modified all data to reflect the change. We have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data effective Tuesdak, Februark 11, 1999.
An accountant is lying on the beach next to a lawyer. The lawyer comments that a fire had destroyed his office and as soon as he collected the insurance proceeds, he would rebuild.
The accountant responded "What a remarkable coincidence, a flood had destroyed his office and as soon as he collected the insurance proceeds he would rebuild."
After a few moments the lawyer asked "So how do you start a flood anyway?"
The company owner is dieing and calls in his lawyer and his accountant. The owner says "I am dieing and I want to try taking my wealth with me. At my funeral put these envelopes in my grave. So at the funeral, the lawyer and the accountant put the envelopes in the grave.
In the limosine on the way home the lawyer feels bad and tells the accountant that he had opened the envelope, found one hundred thousand in cash and had taken fifty thousand out. The lawyer had justified that as his fee, but now he felt bad.
The accountant responded "How could you have disregarded a dieing man's last request? How could you charge a fee of fifty percent? You should be ashamed of yourself, I left my personal check for the full amount."
A lawyer and an accountant are applying to join the FBI. They have passed all tests but the final one. Both are in a waiting room ready for their final test.
First, the lawyer is given a gun and told to go into the room and execute the spy sitting in the chair. The lawyer goes into the room, sees the person sitting in the chair blindfolded. She lifts the blindfold and sees its her husband. She leaves the room saying she could not shoot him. The lawyer is told she failed the test and can not become an FBI agent.
The accountant is given a gun and is told to execute the spy. The accountant goes into the room and the agents outside the room hear a gun shot. After this they hear a lot a rustling and banging.
Finally the accountant comes out and says, "someone put blanks in the gun so I had to choke him to death."
The doctor thinks for a few minutes then says
"You could marry an accountant and move to South Dakota."
The patient responds
"Will that help me live longer?"
The doctor replies
"No, but it will make the six months SEEM a lot longer."
Our staff has completed the 5 years of work on the Y2K project on-time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all
databases, all data files, and modified all data to reflect the change. We have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data effective Tuesdak, Februark 11, 1999.
An accountant is lying on the beach next to a lawyer. The lawyer comments that a fire had destroyed his office and as soon as he collected the insurance proceeds, he would rebuild.
The accountant responded "What a remarkable coincidence, a flood had destroyed his office and as soon as he collected the insurance proceeds he would rebuild."
After a few moments the lawyer asked "So how do you start a flood anyway?"
The company owner is dieing and calls in his lawyer and his accountant. The owner says "I am dieing and I want to try taking my wealth with me. At my funeral put these envelopes in my grave. So at the funeral, the lawyer and the accountant put the envelopes in the grave.
In the limosine on the way home the lawyer feels bad and tells the accountant that he had opened the envelope, found one hundred thousand in cash and had taken fifty thousand out. The lawyer had justified that as his fee, but now he felt bad.
The accountant responded "How could you have disregarded a dieing man's last request? How could you charge a fee of fifty percent? You should be ashamed of yourself, I left my personal check for the full amount."
A lawyer and an accountant are applying to join the FBI. They have passed all tests but the final one. Both are in a waiting room ready for their final test.
First, the lawyer is given a gun and told to go into the room and execute the spy sitting in the chair. The lawyer goes into the room, sees the person sitting in the chair blindfolded. She lifts the blindfold and sees its her husband. She leaves the room saying she could not shoot him. The lawyer is told she failed the test and can not become an FBI agent.
The accountant is given a gun and is told to execute the spy. The accountant goes into the room and the agents outside the room hear a gun shot. After this they hear a lot a rustling and banging.
Finally the accountant comes out and says, "someone put blanks in the gun so I had to choke him to death."