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ARSLAN

Sardar Wins Lottery



A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery.
He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs.

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh
today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 weeks."

The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks.

The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees back!"


ARSLAN

Sardar Gambles



Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed.

"What happened ?" asked Surjit.

"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . "

"How come ?"

"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV.

"I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."

" But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"

" Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "



ARSLAN

Letter


Cousin ALI
From, Kalakalandhar

Dear Bandar,

I'm writing this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast. We don't live where we did when you left. We read in the paper that most accidents happen within 10 miles of home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day mama put four shirts in, pulled the chain and we have not seen them since.

Its only rained here twice this week. Three days the first time and five days the second time.

I know its cold where you are so we're sending you a coat. Ma said it would be too heavy to mail with them buttons on it, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes!

My sister had a baby this morning. I haven't heard whether it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt.

Cousin Santa

Ludhiana.

P.S I was planning to enclose the money that I owe you with this envelope, but I had already sealed this by then


ARSLAN

ikk var di gal hai santa singh school teacher di job pakad lendaa hai " english subject"
oh bohat hi mash-hoor ho jaanda hai
us de school vich ik navan principal aaunda hai
us nu bhnanak pendi hai ki santaa singh bohat hi vadhiyaa angreji teach da hai
oda dil kardaa hai ki dekhe santa singh da way of teaching kis tara da hai oh enna mashhoor kyon hai
class de bahar jaa ke khidki kol chori chori dekhan lag penda hai
scene kuch is tara hai

santa singh bolo bachcho" GADHA "
bachche " GADHA"

SANTA BOLO BACHO "GADHA, GADHE DE PICHE GADHA"
bache "GADHA, GADHE DE PICHE GADHA"

santa BOLO BACHO " GADHA ,GADHE DE PICHE GADHA, US DE PICHE (BEHIND) MAIN"
bache " GADHA ,GADHE DE PICHE GADHAA, US DE PICHE MAIN"

princpal no bohat gussa aaundaa ki salaa santa ki padha reha hai

santa bolo bachO " GADHA,GADHE DE PICHE GADHA ,GADHE DE PICHE MAIN,US DE PICHE SARAA DESH"

Principal ton reha nahi jaanda oh santaa no kehandaa hai aa ke mere room vich milo
santa singh room vich jandaa hai taan princi b gussa hon lagg pendaa hai ki tu ki padha reha hai


santa singh kehanda hai " sir main taa sirf spelling sikh rehaa si"
princi kehandaa hai kis de
santa kehanda hai
"ASSASSINATION " de


ARSLAN

Company ne ek naya salesman hire kiya. Sale badhne lagi-din dugni, raat chauguni. Malik ne socha is ladke se mujhe milna hai. Malik showroom par aaya, usne dekha ladka ek customer ko fishing-rod bech raha tha.Woh door khada ho kar hi usko customer se deal karte dekhne lagaa. Ladke ne fishing-rod bech di. customer ne kaha kitne rupaye, ladka bola Rs.800/-. Yeh kahkar ladke ne customer ke shoes dekhe aur bola, itne mehange shoes pahankar fishing karne jayenge? Ek sport shoe bhi kharid lijiye,customer ne sport shoes bhi kharid liye. Ab ladke ne kaha talaab kinare dhoop mein baithna padega, ek cap bhi kharid lijiye to theek rehega, customer ne cap bhi kharid li. Ab ladke ne kaha, machli pakadne mein bahut intezar karna padega, kuchch eatables, wafer, biscuits, bhi le jayiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid liye. Ladka bola machli pakdenge to rakhenge kahan ? Yeh ek Rs.100/- ki basket bhi le lijiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid li. Ab total bill bana Rs.2000/- ka. Malik bahut khush hua. Usne ladke ko bulaya aur kaha, tum to kamal ke salesman ho. Woh aadmi fishing rod kharidane ayaa . . . aur tumane usey itna sara samaan bech diya, very good. Ladka bola, woh aadmi to "Carefree Sanitary Pack" khridane ayaa tha, maine kaha, char din tu ghar par kya karega, " Jaa Machli Pakad "
rohit dhall



ARSLAN

A young second generation Indian in the US, is explaining the significance of Diwali to his younger brother. This is how he would go about it...

So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so, he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.

But DUDE, the forest was reeeeal scaryshit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and arrows...so it was fine. But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Lakshman, pissed... And you DONt piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with him. So anyways, you dont mess with gods. SO, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.

Dude, dont ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... so, Ram, Laksh. and their monkeys whip this gangstas ass in his own hood. Anyways, by this time, their times up in the forest and anyways .. it gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So, they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home...they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didnt have any bars or clubs in those days...so they couldnt take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also ... so it was pretty cooool ... you know with all those fireworks, really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks.. and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks...you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know.

And, so dude, THAT was how, like, this festival started. Cool! Diwali rocks,



I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT

* bottles
Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?

They are there for those who don t drink.


I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT

Company ne ek naya salesman hire kiya. Sale badhne lagi-din dugni, raat chauguni. Malik ne socha is ladke se mujhe milna hai. Malik showroom par aaya, usne dekha ladka ek customer ko fishing-rod bech raha tha.Woh door khada ho kar hi usko customer se deal karte dekhne lagaa. Ladke ne fishing-rod bech di. customer ne kaha kitne rupaye, ladka bola Rs.800/-. Yeh kahkar ladke ne customer ke shoes dekhe aur bola, itne mehange shoes pahankar fishing karne jayenge? Ek sport shoe bhi kharid lijiye,customer ne sport shoes bhi kharid liye. Ab ladke ne kaha talaab kinare dhoop mein baithna padega, ek cap bhi kharid lijiye to theek rehega, customer ne cap bhi kharid li. Ab ladke ne kaha, machli pakadne mein bahut intezar karna padega, kuchch eatables, wafer, biscuits, bhi le jayiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid liye. Ladka bola machli pakdenge to rakhenge kahan ? Yeh ek Rs.100/- ki basket bhi le lijiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid li. Ab total bill bana Rs.2000/- ka. Malik bahut khush hua. Usne ladke ko bulaya aur kaha, tum to kamal ke salesman ho. Woh aadmi fishing rod kharidane ayaa . . . aur tumane usey itna sara samaan bech diya, very good. Ladka bola, woh aadmi to "Carefree Sanitary Pack" khridane ayaa tha, maine kaha, char din tu ghar par kya karega, " Jaa Machli Pakad "


I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT

Bus Tickets



Santa Singh bought two tickets to Connaught Place from Tilak Nagar in a DTC bus in Delhi. The conductor was a bit surprised as he could not see anyone with Santa.
Conductor "Oye Sardaran! Why do you need two tickets? You are travelling alone?"

Santa Singh "Dont you know.. pick-pocketing is common on buses... so I will keep one ticket in my shirts left pocket and the other in my right! So even if a pickpocket gets at one of my pockets, I will still have a ticket and will not travel without ticket!"

Conductor "What if a pickpocket gets both your pockets?"
Santa Singh takes out his wallet from his pant pocket "I have a monthly pass also!"


Conductor "And if someone gets your pant pockets also.. then what.. then you will be fined for travelling without ticket!!"

Santa Singh puts his hand inside his shirt and displays his ID card (hanging with a chain around his neck) and says with a cunning smile "Phir sadda DTC staff hone ka kya fayada!"



I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT

When Santa met with an Accident...


Santa and Banta driving on a street,in different directions. Out of some unfortunate mishap, the cars slammed into each other, head-on. They were able to get out of their cars without any serious injury, but the cars were totaled.

Before Santa could say anything, Banta said, "Instead of fighting over whose fault it was, why don`t we just celebrate that we were able to come out alive?"

Santa said, "Yeah, good idea!"

"I have a bottle of whisky in the trunk, why don`t I pull that out?",suggested Banta. He went around, and luckily the bottle was not damaged in the accident.

He gave it to Santa and said, "Here, drink some!"

Santa took the bottle and chugged half of it down. Then he wiped his mouth and handed the bottle over to Banta.

"Here, you have some!"

Banta passed it back and said, "No, I think I`ll wait until the police get here."


I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT

Banta’s English



Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out of the hall. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, to which he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I really thought, thought, thought hard... and at last wrote - THUNK "


I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT

Santa Banta find a bomb



Santa and Banta find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the police station.

"What if one of them explodes before we get there?" asks Banta.


"Don’t worry about it," says Santa. "We’ll just lie and tell them we only found two."





I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT

Santa’s closet!



Santa came home earlier than usual, when his wife, Jeeto’s lover was still in the apartment.

She hid her lover in a closet, and served dinner. As they ate, something rustled in the closet.

"What’s that?" Santa husband asked.

"Nothing, darling. Just jackets."

After a while, they again heard some noise in the closet.

"What the hell is that?"

"I’m telling you, just jackets."

A few minutes later, the noise sounded once more.

"I’ll check it," Santa said. "You’ll regret it if it’s not jackets."

Santa yanked the closet’s door open. Inside, he saw a man who held a pistol.

Santa quietly closed the door, and said, "Indeed, jackets, darling."



I lie I steal I cheat So people can feel my LATINO HEAT