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+--- Thread: Jokes...... (/thread-jokes--1478)
- n/a5 - 01-01-2005
Difference Between Golden Ages And Modern World Girls...
1960's Girl,
Jiya Beqarar Hai,
Ayee bahar Hai,
Aaja moray Sajna,
Tera intazar Hai,
2004's Girl,
Jiya Beqarar Hai,
Ayee bahar Hai,
Aaja moray Sajna,
Warna Doosra tayyar Hai
HEART BEATS ( try try again )
- maani - 01-01-2005
One day a florist goes to barber for a haircut. after the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies"i am sorry. i cannot accept money from you. i am doing the community service." the florist is happy and leaves the shop. next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a "thank you" card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. but the barber replies "i am sorry. i cannot accept money from you. i am doing the community service. the cop is happy and leaves the shop. the next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door. a pakistani software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. but the barber replies "i am sorry. i cannot accept money from you. i am doing the community service. " the pakistani software engineer is happy and leaves. the next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there... can you guess? tyr to guessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ?????? come on, think like a pakistani................. a dozen pakistanis waiting for a haircut...
Ace
- maani - 01-01-2005
1. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
2. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
3. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
4. If buttered toast always lands buttered side down,and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat?
5. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year, why do they have locks on the doors?
6. Why do they put Braille dots on the dey pads of the drive-up ATM machine?
7. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
8. Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
9. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
10. How does the guy who drives the snow plow get to work?
11. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
12. If you're driving at the speed of light and you turn on you headlights, what happens?
13. You know hwo most packages say "open here"? What should you do if the package says "opn somewhere else"?
14. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
15. Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you trasport something by ship it's called cargo?
16. You know that little indestructible black box that's used on airplanes? Why can't they make the whoe plane out of the same substance?
17. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for and address,you turn the radio down?
18. Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
19. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
20. What does Geronimo scream when he jumps out of a plane?
21. If fire fighters fight fire, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
22. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
23 Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Ace
- maani - 01-01-2005
1. How do you hit a blonde and she will never know it....with a thought!
2. How can you tell a smart blonde from a dumb blonde....the smart blondes have dark roots.
3. Why don't blondes eat pickles...because they get their heads stuck in the jar.
4. Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory...she threw out all of the W's.
5. How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday...tell her a joke on Friday.
6. What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt...brain tumor.
7. Why don't blondes make kool-aid...can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packages.
8. What do you call a blonde with half a brain...gifted.
9. Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. printed on their shoes...stands for Toes G o In First.
10. How many blondes does it take to change a tire .... 5--2 to get sodas, 2 to cry and 1 to call daddy.
11. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant .... blow in her ear.
12. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common .... they're both empty from the neck up.
13. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear .... thanks for the refill.
14. What's the mating call of a brunette .... Is that darn blonde gone yet?
15. Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink .... that's where you wash vegetables.
16. How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle .... shine a light in her ear.
17. What's the advantage of being married to a blonde .... you can park in handicapped zones.
18. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you .... pull the pin and throw it back.
19. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall .... to see what was on the other side.
20. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb .... 6 - 2 to read the instructions, 1 to find the switch, 2 to stand on, 1 to screw the bulb.
21. How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb .... two .... one to hold the diet pepsi and one to call daaaady.
22. The blonde stayed up all night to see where the sun went .... it finally dawned on her.
23. Brunette to the blonde .... Awww, look at the dead birdie .... the blonde stopped, looks up and says, "where"?
24. How do you know a blonde has been working at your computer .... there is "white-out" all over the screen.
25. How can you tell if another blonde been using the computer .... there's writing on the "white-out".
26. Why do blondes wear ear muffs? .... to avoid the draft.
27. What did the blonde visiting O.J. think this was .... spilled finger nail polish.
28. What is the blonde doing when she hold her hands over her ears .... trying to hold on to a thought.
29. Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? .... because it said "concentrate".
Ace
- n/a6 - 01-01-2005
One student was burning candles at church and praying to GOD to get through the exam. He did it throughout the exam period. When the result came, his name was not in the passed students list. He got angry and rushed to church. He shouted there "I was praying and burning the candles throughout my exam period. Still U couldnt help. I will show U who I'm.
After few days, his friend informed him that his name is in the list. It had been withheld 4 some reasons.
He immediately returned to church. "Now U came to know who I'm"
Thanks........
Happy New Year
- maani - 01-01-2005
What if the I.T. industry starts producing movies ?
Some Film titles may be like these --
Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
Aao Chat Kare
Programmer No.1
Mera Naam Developer
Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
Do Processor , Baarah Terminal
Thera Code Chal Gaya
Har Din Jo Mail Karega
Network Ke Us Paar
Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehatha Hai
Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
Client Ek Numbari , Programmer Dus Numbari
Login Karo Sajana
Naukar PC Ka
1942 -- A Bug Story
Kaho Na Virus Hai
Crash Se Crash Thak
Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
Shaheed Hacker Singh
Password De Ke Dekho
Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
Mr. Network Lal
Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
Hackers' Ka Raja , Debuggers' Ki Rani
Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha
Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi
Crash Tho Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!
VirusDas
Hacker Machaye Shor
Ace
- maani - 01-01-2005
Life Before the Computer
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show!
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file!
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road!
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket-knife
Paste you did with glue!
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
Ace
- n/a6 - 01-02-2005
How to keep an idiot occupied all day. (Scroll Down)
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How to keep an idiot occupied all day? (Scroll Up)
Thanks........
Happy New Year
- maani - 01-02-2005
Computer users are divided into three types
Novice, Intermediate and Expert.
Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users - People who press the keys that break other people's computers.
Ace
- maani - 01-02-2005
Guest "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"
Hotel Host "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."
Ace
- maani - 01-02-2005
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.
She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me.. the whole world hates me!"
Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."
Ace
- maani - 01-02-2005
Showing his friend around his home, Jennings pointed out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage.
"The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth."
"Well," his friend replies, "since you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, you'll never be able to sell!"
"And that's where you're wrong," the man smiled. "If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"
Ace
- maani - 01-02-2005
A woman, while touring a small South American country was shown a bullfight.
The guide told her, "This is our number one sport."
The horrified woman said, "Isn't that revolting?"
"No," the guide replied, "revolting is our number two sport."
Ace
- n/a6 - 01-03-2005
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day, he
dialed the pantry number and shouted into the phone "Get me a cup of coffee,
quickly!" .....The voice from the other side responded "You fool; you've
dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?" "No," replied
the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, idiot!" The trainee
shouted back "And do you know who YOU are talking to?" "No!" replied the
Managing Director indignantly. "Good!" replied the trainee and hung up the
phone.
Thanks........
Happy New Year
- maani - 01-03-2005
There are three kinds of people those who can count & those who can't.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
. . . every morning is the dawn of a new error.
For people who like piece and quiet . . . a phoneless cord!
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Mental Floss prevents moral decay!
Madness takes aits toll. Please have exact change ready.
Be nice to your kids . . . they'll be the ones choosing your nursing home.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Did you ever stop to think . . . and forget to start again?
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.
Don't be so open minded that your brains fall out.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" . . . 'till you
can find a rock!
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Help Wanted Telepath . . . you know where to apply.
Mechanic's slogan If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
Shin A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Dain bramaged.
Department of Redundancy Department.
Headline Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
Ace