06-30-2010, 04:14 PM
Family, Friends and Houseguests.
Couples need to decide how often family and friends will be invited over and how much time theyâll spend socializing because people often have very different expectations of whatâs appropriate. He may not want your mother staying with you for two weeks at a time and you may not want his old frat buddies taking over the living room. So speak up early and establish your family boundaries.
âYou have to make a decision that, if Iâm going to get married, my family has to take second place, and you have to say that, they take second place. If you are not willing to put your family and friends second, then youâre not ready to get married,â says Judge Lynn Toler, from the show Divorce Courtand now on the new show Decision House.
Money Matters.
Money can be a sensitive issue, and we all need to figure out how to handle our savings, debts, investments and incomes. For some a joint account works fine, but for others, keeping your money separate or having a joint and separate account can be the key to staying together. Ideally we should figure out what system would be best before getting married.
Another key to financial happiness is full disclosure. That means you canât hide your massive credit card debt and he needs to own up to any spending sprees as well. Because even if your money is in separate accounts, youâre still a team and one personâs actions affect the other.
Your First Fight.
It doesnât quite have the same ring to it as your first dance or first kiss, but the first major fight is bound to happen and is just as, if not more, important to your marriage, because it will set the tone for how you handle future conflicts.
âThe problem that most married couples run into is that they say [whatâs bothering them] when theyâre angry. Never discuss serious issues in the heat of the moment, wait until later when everythingâs fine and say âthis is how I felt when that happened,ââ Judge Toler says. âIf it gets so heated that everybodyâs yelling, you have to make an agreement that the argument will stop because itâs just not doing anything for you.â
Nobody ever said marriage was easy, but we can all make the transition go much smoother if weâre willing to compromise. And to give us all a little perspective, these married women offer their advice for newlyweds
âBe patient. Try to remember why you got married and the feelings you felt when you first got married,â Kimberley, married 25 years, says.
â[Your partner] stays the same and the relationship stays the same. Things you like about the person you like more, and things that bother you bother you more. If you go into the marriage thinking that will somehow be different, you put unnecessary pressure on the relationship,â Melissa, married seven months, says.
âThere is no such thing as happily ever after. Thereâs good times and bad, but donât expect to be happy all the time. People that expect to be happy all the time get disappointed a lot and get divorced early,â Judge Toler says.
Couples need to decide how often family and friends will be invited over and how much time theyâll spend socializing because people often have very different expectations of whatâs appropriate. He may not want your mother staying with you for two weeks at a time and you may not want his old frat buddies taking over the living room. So speak up early and establish your family boundaries.
âYou have to make a decision that, if Iâm going to get married, my family has to take second place, and you have to say that, they take second place. If you are not willing to put your family and friends second, then youâre not ready to get married,â says Judge Lynn Toler, from the show Divorce Courtand now on the new show Decision House.
Money Matters.
Money can be a sensitive issue, and we all need to figure out how to handle our savings, debts, investments and incomes. For some a joint account works fine, but for others, keeping your money separate or having a joint and separate account can be the key to staying together. Ideally we should figure out what system would be best before getting married.
Another key to financial happiness is full disclosure. That means you canât hide your massive credit card debt and he needs to own up to any spending sprees as well. Because even if your money is in separate accounts, youâre still a team and one personâs actions affect the other.
Your First Fight.
It doesnât quite have the same ring to it as your first dance or first kiss, but the first major fight is bound to happen and is just as, if not more, important to your marriage, because it will set the tone for how you handle future conflicts.
âThe problem that most married couples run into is that they say [whatâs bothering them] when theyâre angry. Never discuss serious issues in the heat of the moment, wait until later when everythingâs fine and say âthis is how I felt when that happened,ââ Judge Toler says. âIf it gets so heated that everybodyâs yelling, you have to make an agreement that the argument will stop because itâs just not doing anything for you.â
Nobody ever said marriage was easy, but we can all make the transition go much smoother if weâre willing to compromise. And to give us all a little perspective, these married women offer their advice for newlyweds
âBe patient. Try to remember why you got married and the feelings you felt when you first got married,â Kimberley, married 25 years, says.
â[Your partner] stays the same and the relationship stays the same. Things you like about the person you like more, and things that bother you bother you more. If you go into the marriage thinking that will somehow be different, you put unnecessary pressure on the relationship,â Melissa, married seven months, says.
âThere is no such thing as happily ever after. Thereâs good times and bad, but donât expect to be happy all the time. People that expect to be happy all the time get disappointed a lot and get divorced early,â Judge Toler says.
