12-22-2003, 12:33 PM
Comprehending Accountants - Take One
An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.
The accountant said, "I like both."
"Both?"
The accountant replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
the office and get some work done."
Comprehending Accountants - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Accountants - Take Three
What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't
understand.
What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count, and those who can't.
How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a roadmap the wrong
way.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to
find it"
OSA
