JOKE

[Gull]

Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ?
Mind u - it's really very very urgent,
damn serious and very imp .....
I'm playing cards and
we've misplaced the JOKER.

[Astute Accountant]

A sardar sitting was sitting on the top of the mountain n' reading a book. Some1 asked"What r u doing Sardar G?"
Sardar G" O'higher studies yaar!!! "

[Astute Accountant]

1 sardar G sochta raha
sari zindagi sochta raha
sochta raha, sochta raha
aur


sochtay sochtay hi mar gia....
k...
meri behan k 2 bhai hain tu mara 1 quin?

[kamranACA]

The Genius Blonde


One blonde, Christina decides one day that she
is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and
how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she
decides to show her boyfriend Steve that blondes
really are smart.

While Steve is off at work, she decides that she
is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after Steve leaves for work,
she gets down to the task at hand.

Her boyfriend arrives home at 530 and smells the
distinctive smell of paint.

He walks into the living room and finds his
girlfriend lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and
a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She
replies that she wanted to prove to him that not
all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it
by painting the house. He then asks her why she
has a ski jacket over her fur coat. Christina
replies that she was reading the directions on
the paint can and they said....

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(Scroll down)... You will love this one ...

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You Ready?
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FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

Lolz.


) Blondes could also be genius.

Regards,

[kamranACA]

THE INDIAN WAY OF DOING THINGS!

Three contractors one from India, another from Germany and the third from England are bidding to repair the White House fence.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The English contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works on some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will cost $ 900- $ 400 for materials, $ 400 for labour and $ 100 profit for me."

The German contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $ 700.... $ 300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $ 100 profit for me."

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or do any figuring, but leans over to the White House official and whispers "$ 2,700."

The official incredulously says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," the Indian explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Germany to do the work!"


) THE INDIANS ARE GENIUS

Regards,

[Astute Accountant]

Once there was a little boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom, so he told his mother 'Mommy, I have to use the bathroom.’ The mother said, 'Son, don’t say bathroom in church. Next time you have to use bathroom, say, 'whisper’ because it is more polite.’
The next Sunday, the little boy was sitting by his father, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, 'Daddy I have to whisper.’ The father said, 'OK. Here, whisper in my ear.’

[Astute Accountant]

A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for the holidays. As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Timmy, helping them baking some cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table. 'The cupcakes look delicious, Tim.’ his uncle said. He took a bite and said, 'Timmy, these are so good.’ As he finished a cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew. 'The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim. How did you get the icing so neat?’ His nephew replied, 'It was easy. I just licked them.’ The uncle turned pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. 'You licked all of these?’ Timmy replied, 'Well no. After a while my tongue got tired, and I got the dog to help me.’

[Astute Accountant]

Sardarji's Urdu


Have a nice day!
Acha din lo!

What's up?
Upper kya hai?!

You're kidding!
Tum bacha bana rahay ho!

Don't kid me!
Mera bacha mat banao!

Yo baby! What's up?!
Yo beti! Upper kya hai?!

Cool man!
Thanda admi!

Don't mess with me dude!
Meray saath gandagee mat karo aik hasti!

She's so fine!
Who kitni bedaagh hai!

Check this out man!
Iski chaanbeen karo ek hasti!

Hey good looking! What's cooking?!
Aaree haseena kya paka rahi ho?!

Are you nuts?
Kya tum akhroot ho?

Son of a gun!
Bacha bandooq ka!

Listen buddy! That chick is mine!
Suno dost! Woh chooza mera hai!

[Imran]

There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position and had a variety of individuals applying for the position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question how much is 2+2? The first candidate was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed that the answer was 4. The second candidate was an attorney. He stated that in the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was proven to be 4. The final candidate was a CPA. When asked what 2+2 equaled, the ACA did not respond immediately. He looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair and went to see if anyone was listening at the door. Then he returned to the business owner and said, "What would you like it to be?"

Regards

[Imran]

Man Is there any way to live a long life?
Dr Get married.
Man Will it help?
Dr No, but you’ll never think of living a long life!

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands
before the fight begins!

Wife Darling , it’s our anniversary today. What should we do?
Husband Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?
Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare
aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare...

Having a crush is like having a cigar...it starts with a flame, continues with a glow and dies in ashes...but who cares if one is a chain smoker!

[Imran]

"Tum ko chahtey hoey bhi bhool jana acha laga
Ansoon ko chupa kar muskurana acha laga....
Tum ajnabi they meray liey mager apna jaan kar acha laga
Pehchan to ik pal ki thi, mager sadiyon se jaan kar acha laga
Khaboon main yadoon main tum thay mager tum ko bhulana acha laga
Meri rooh ka ik hissa thay mager khud se juda karna acha laga
Meri zindagi ka sarmaya thay mager tum ko lutana acha laga
Meray armanon ka sawan thay mager tum ko barsana acha laga
Meri khushiyon ka jahan thay mager tum ko mitana acha laga
Khud ko bhool jana aur tum ko yaad karna acha laga
Sab khahishon ko mitana sirf tumhin pana acha laga
Logon k kehney main aana aur sab kuch bhulana bolo kissey acha laga
Yehi to rasm-e-duniya hai isay nibhana acha laga

[Imran]

An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."

[Imran]

Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2 Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

[Cool Lioness]

One morning at a doctor surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies

"You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?" He replied,

"You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor" [D][D][D][D]

[Imran]

Nice joke Coolioness